Friday, May 23, 2014

Greiving with Shipton...

I mentioned HERE that the first few weeks with Shipton earth-side was a bit rocky.  I knew Shipton was vibrant from early on in the pregnancy.  I knew he was a calm baby too.  Happy, but calm.  I was expecting a very calm and easy-going baby.  With such a peaceful birth as well I was sure he would be calm.  Within hours of his birth we learned that wasn't the case (initially).

From the first diaper change, I was blown away by his strong emotions.  As I mentioned, he would cry so hard he wasn't breathing if I un-swaddled him or changed his diaper.  He would cry when he needed to burp or other needs, but the un-swaddling, being in the bathtub, or diaper changes were the worst.  Any need was met with this intensity.  It was sad as a Mama that my efforts to speak reassuringly to him or to stroke his cheeks or sing to him did not help ease his cries.  Only when he had what he needed would the cry shut off.

After a few weeks I realized it was time to do a Theta session on him.  My findings were very interesting.  We are pretty sure that Shipton and his twin shared a sac.  It appears that they must have also shared a cord too.  With this situation one twin may receive more nutrients than the other, resulting in one baby slowing in growth, etc.  If this is the case, when we lost the other baby, the amniotic sac would have been open for a time.  It also would have suddenly given him more room in the uterus and may have changed the way he was positioned.  What I found was that times he was crying like that he was being reminded of when he lost his brother.  Being unwrapped, feeling cold, laying on his back may have been the same things experienced as when we lost the other baby.

Just finished a happy diaper change and telling his big brother about it.

I worked on beliefs of safety and trust, validating his loss and fears.  I cannot imagine the feelings he must have had with that experience!  Grief and loss for his brother.  Fear of being "next."  Sudden loneliness.  Within 24 hours of the session he had several diaper changes that he was completely calm about.  Little by little over the weeks, most he doesn't even cry for at all.  Sometimes he fusses and rarely he still cries, but most are just fine for him now.  The same has gone for swaddling.  Bath time is still his biggest struggle.  He is improving here too and will usually have some calm time in the bath, but there hits a point that he cries that hard too.  It's just a frantic look on his face with his eyes wide open in terror.  It's not a "I just don't' want a bath" cry, it's a "completely horrified" cry that I have never heard before in a baby.

Maybe this is another reason we needed a connected birthing time.  Maybe these feelings and fears would have stuck more permanently with a distanced birth?  Maybe it could have given new negative feelings or beliefs?

I have heard of situations such as ours with the surviving baby struggling with feelings of grief and loss.  I hope we can help ease any Shipton may be having or have in the future.

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