This post didn't quite go where I was expecting it to as I sat down to write it tonight, but here it is... much more brief than the months it took to live it!
As Shipton's guess month was drawing closer, I realized I was feeling fear well up inside me. I knew things were going to go smoothly; however, I could not shake the fears in the back of my mind. As I spent some time really tuning in, I realized I had not had fully healed from my previous birth of the miscarriage of my twins (BOP for any Hypnobabies Mama's). That night was one of the worst of my life and left me shaking physically whenever I would would speak about it, even after nearly a year's time.
My two biggest fears centered around needing to trust my midwife when the last time I trusted the nurse and doctors that trust was not honored. I also feared bleeding. I realized I was going to need to clear away the fear to be able to have a place for the beautiful birth that we had our sights set on. I did not want to project my previous experience onto my upcoming birthing time.
I did what I could on my own. I focused healing fear a little bit each day with Theta. My oil book said Sandalwood is the essential oil for trauma. I began using it. I also added the meditation for eliminating fears and a meditation for healing. These efforts helped to bring it to the surface and to work through quite a bit on my own. I was still concerned about anything coming up during my birthing time because I had missed it.
The "Fear Clearing" CD in the Hypnobabies program was helpful. For me it wasn't quite enough for the deeply traumatic experience I was clearing. I was lead to contact a fellow Hypnobabies instructor, Janet, who is also a Hypnotherapist. I was able to do 5 sessions with her via Skype.
Because of her help my upcoming birth became a blank canvas. It was full of potential and without foreshadowing. For those who read about it, it truly was everything we could have ever dreamed it to be. It was the peaceful, connected, and healing birth we had envisioned.
For those interested, Janet has been focusing her work on Christians. She has several tracks for purchase for pregnancy, special birth circumstances such as loss, as well as customized packages. She is also working on other tracks too, so watch for those on her website too.