AKA Waiting Patiently Upon the Lord and Trusting Him: Reprise!
|Matching jammies, thanks to Grandma B. Not everyone loves them as much as Mommy does. :)|
noun: reprise; plural noun: reprises
- 1.a repeated passage in music.
- a repetition or further performance of something."a reprise of his earlier performance"
I recently realized that this post is long over-due. Part of the lateness has come from my arms being full and adjusting to my "new normal" life with four busy children and all that entails. The other part for the delay is that I have been processing. Tonight is the night and I am excited to have a few minutes to sit down and write as I feed my baby.
I love having another opportunity to praise His name! Do you realize how awesome Heavenly Father is?! It has really sunk in on new levels the past 3 months of enjoying this beautiful baby! I have learned in new ways just how good God really is and how anxious He is to answer our prayers and to give us the desires of our hearts!
The abridged version for any unfamiliar with our journey: Bubble of Peace for any Hypnobabies Mama's. We had our daughter smoothly. Our first son's pregnancy became a "special attention pregnancy" when part of the placenta pulled away. All ended well with a healthy, full-term baby. We had a miscarriage followed by our second son's pregnancy. His pregnancy repeated our first son's pregnancy challenges and outcome.
We began searching for answers with no leads from a medical standpoint, but we were lead to consider a healthier diet and means to curb the nausea and vomiting to keep that diet down. :) We also used energy work, essential oils with the goal to be the best candidate for pregnancy possible. During this time of searching, we had 3 more miscarriages, including a set of twins. This brought our total of angel babies to 5.
After we lost the twins, we knew there was still something we were missing. I wrote in the post "Waiting Patiently Upon the Lord..." where I talked about the process of prayerfully partnering with God as a couple. As we prayed, we knew we were to have more little ones. As we brought our obstacle before Him, He showed us the way He had already prepared, but was waiting for us to seek the answers to. Although I feel strongly it was a combination of many things that needed to be squared away, it was a tiny pill that cost us only a few dollars the entire pregnancy that was missing. Adding baby aspirin to the mix was the addition we would not have considered on our own.
During our pregnancy we had our doubts about what the outcome would actually be. Shipton's pregnancy also became a "special attention pregnancy" for a few months as we thought we had a repeat of placenta troubles. Nope. As saddened as we were, it was the loss of yet another angel baby, nothing placenta related. Heavenly Father and His angels watched over little Shipton and brought him safely into our arms.
Gazing into the eyes of our perfect baby, I keep asking myself, "what if we didn't ask?!" "What if we had assumed that I couldn't carry a baby again or hold a pregnancy with the placenta staying put?" "What if we were not living in a way that we could hear the Holy Spirit guide our individual circumstances?" "What if we didn't have the courage to follow those answers?"
I know every situation is different. Sometimes what God wants for us and what we want or when we want it are not the same. This can hurt deeply, especially when we have righteous desires. We understand well some of the feelings that may accompany such heart-ache and confusion.
We also can speak boldly that He knows each of us individually. He cares about our lives and the obstacles we are facing. He knows when we are using our agency to be "acted upon" and those times we truly can "act," even if that only action is through prayer. I have been surprised to see how many situations in my life that I thought were stuck actually were only that way because of me. I used to assume that my life was going how it should be because otherwise God would have it go differently. "God" was calling me to suffer to go through difficulties because that was the only logical answer. Yes, He does intervene in our lives; however, I have begun to see first-hand how often my agency and choices were creating the challenges I was completely attributing to Him.
Just as with other times in my life, and especially in the miracle of childbearing, He made a way when there seemingly was none. I am humbled to stand witness of His goodness and mercy!
I join with Hannah in singing praises to His name!