Monday, October 27, 2014

My Journey: His and Hers

Almost 3 years ago I started a home-business with a sales company.  Now looking back like with other things in my life, I am not sure if it felt right because it was the best right or if it was a right choice that could send us down a right path.  At that time my husband had recently left me.  Having made the choice to be at home with my children, I was now needing to figure out how to financially support myself and my little ones.  I think it was the right choice based on the path I was currently on.

With God's great blessing, we were able to hit reset for our marriage.  As our plans changed with our marriage beginning to heal, my business was stuck.  I wanted it to succeed.  I felt frustrated because I knew I had the potential to move forward and I had been successful in the time my husband had left me.  After several months of banging against a wall, seeking to push through it, we realized that path was no longer going to get us where we wanted to go as individuals, a couple, and a family.  In order for me to achieve my goals I was going to need to spend more time on the phone and away from the family than we were willing to sacrifice.  It also would bring a different life style than we were currently seeking.

We sat down 2 years ago and sorted everything all out.  What is his...what is hers...? As we recently shared this story with our kids, they could not believe we were so confused.  We are grateful things are more clear for them and that they have learned amazing things this year in primary like THIS powerful song.  After nearly 8 years of marriage, the lines had become a bit blurry.  We had discussed all of this during engagement and early marriage, but after living and adapting, things had slid gradually until many things had become hazy.  We felt strongly that rather than my seeking employment outside the home, Mark was to take the role as the sole financial provider.  I was to be home with the kids and run our home as the primary nurturer.  We knew the doctrines and principles, but prayed for the application at this time of financial resources being tight.

Mark was blessed with a part-time job. At the same time, my business had been a wonderful blessing to open my eyes to the possibilities.  To be available to my husband and children, yet to pursue my passions and be a strength to others with something 100% on my own.  With 100% flexibility.  It fell into my lap to become a Hypnobabies instructor.  With the new perspective, I applied, was thrilled with the invitation to go through the training and certification process, and the rest is history.

This was a great blessing to us both.  I have weathered through recovery better having something I am focusing on rather than focusing on Mark's recovery.  I have grown as I have had something to breathe life into.  I am a more passionate mother and wife having something I am passionate about as a person, not only a wife and mother.  It has also given me something to do the late nights in between tucking little ones in bed and waiting for Mark to come home from work.

Having Mark work 2 jobs was necessary to our recovery.  First, when we sorted it all out, we realized that part of his and hers responsibilities and roles is giving each other space to fulfill them.  I needed to quit nagging and breathing down his neck about job applications, etc. and he needed to do the same for the laundry.  If I didn't fold the laundry that day, there was a reason it didn't make it high enough on my list or on my list at all.  He needed to have confidence that I would get to it in my own way and time.  Having him working on his roles gave me space to work on my roles, and vice versa.  We were a well-greased team---counting on each other to fulfill his/her roles so the other could do the same.

Second, in giving him the provider role, I did not enable.  I allowed him to take it,  just like he allowed me to fully take my role as home-maker rather than enabling me.  This was a vital step in our recoveries.

Third, it has blessed us with extra time and space to process.  When disagreements or communication was kinked, we were able to work through it on our own, then come together and resolve it vs. feeling pressure to work it out before we were ready because we were together more.

It is exciting to see yet one more area of our lives where He has carefully led us.  We are thrilled to continue moving forward.  I adore my husband and that we are seeking for eternal blessing together!

In my mind this post seemed more important to record than it feels like it is turning out as I am typing.  I do want to take the opportunity to say that we stand witness to the reality of His enabling power.  As we sorted things out and allowed Him to carry our roles, He has strengthed us during these past 2 years of feeling stretched to the limit. 

Previous post HERE Our happy only one job news HERE and our 9 years of marriage post HERE

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