Monday, October 27, 2014

Siri Dharma is Learning Courage

2014 has been a great growing year for me to step more comfortably into my highest & best self.  I now can see clearly how I have allowed Satan to plant seeds of doubt.  I believed the lies about myself. For as long as I can remember, I have been embarrassed with my friendliness and vibrancy.  I have felt out of place as I interact with others and I feel like I am bouncing.  I have craved to be more "calm" or "quiet."  Even from a physical standpoint I hated my freckles and how I scrunch up my nose with a genuine smile.  Why couldn't I be more serious or poised?

A terrifying blessing for me has been to teach the adults the Old Testament in my church this year.  To say I was feeling inadequate is an understatement.  I accepted the calling and stepped forward with shaky faith.  Seeking comfort and reassurance, I asked my husband for a blessing.  In the blessing I was commanded to open my mouth and given the promise that He would fill it.  It has been humbling to stand witness to His power in this capacity as He has kept His promise.  He has taken someone with no skill or ability and performed a miracle every time.  Not only in teaching, but also in preparing to teach.  I literally pray every time I open my scriptures be lead to what I need to study for that day.  Initially with Mark working 2 jobs and my schedule extremely predictable, I could spend 1-2 hours in the scriptures every day.  With Shipton's arrival and now Mark working 1 job, He has needed to quicken this and guide me with pin-point precision as that time cut down to 15-30 minutes most days.  (And ps...just about that time, He provided me an ipad to cut down on extra time having to flip pages) :)

As I started teaching Gospel Doctrine I quickly learned that if I taught how I thought I was "suppose to" as a "traditional" Gospel Doctrine teacher is wouldn't work. I was also back to teaching Hypnobabies and yoga again too and observing the same roadblock. It felt embarrassing at 9 am on a Saturday morning to have so much passion; however, when I "toned it down," it felt like trudging through class and the flow was lost. Mark also talked about in the blessing that I would be able to see what worked and what didn't as I taught from lesson lesson.  If I tried to be that well-grounded, "calm," or "quiet" person I was striving to be, I did not have the Spirit with me to teach.  Now, there is nothing wrong with this type of style of teaching.  What I was learning is that when I teach or act this way, I am not a clear vessel for The Light to shine through.  I am allowing my insecurities and my will to get in the way.  He needs me in a different way because it isn't really about me any way.

This summer my Yogi Name arrived.  It means Princess who walks courageously on the path of righteousness.  Wow!  Still typing that tonight gives me goosebumps!  I recently heard a definition of courage I love: "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."  That take vulnerability to live like that.  Yogic names are like the seed mantra Sat Nam: (truth is my name, truth is my identity) the more we say it, the more it becomes us.  As I seek to step into my true self, He will shine more fully through me.  He needs me this way.  No wonder Satan whispered lies. 
The reality is that what I thought was my greatest weakness has potential to become my greatest strength!
 ...To be a fearless beacon of light and to point others to Christ!
 ...To invite others to join me and to be elevated in vibration and light rather than sheepishly apologizing and coming down to a lower frequency out of fear, embarrassment, or inadequacy. 

As I partner with Him I can take courage: 
I have nothing to fear.  

I was beginning to connect the dots.  When I taught in my true self---boldly and courageously---the lessons flowed easier.  I was out of the way and He took over.  Then an inspired friend discussed Energy Profiling with me and I really put it together.  My Dominant energy type is 1.  I have a strong 4 as Secondary energy.  I was trying to flip that around and it wasn't working for me.  The light bulb turned on and I realized that when I am true to myself as a type 1, as Siri Dharma, then He can use me. 

I was speaking on the phone with my beloved teacher, Felice, last week.  We were discussing what is keeping me from having faith to move a mountain.  It is stepping into this greatness.  It is having courage rather than fear.

I told her I needed to update my picture online to show a true reflection of the woman I am becoming.  With her encouragement, rather than waiting for a professional picture, we just took one.  Peanut-butter smeared, scrunched nose, baby spit up and all AND I LOVE IT!  Look how much more courageous and alive I look below compared to the above picture at the top of the post.

Wahe Guru!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post, Katy.I love that you are sharing this journey to self acceptance with us. It will help many to find their way to self acceptance, as well. And we love your exuberance and enthusiasm for whatever you are undertaking. It is contagious! As far as being grounded, I'm not sure calm is the same as grounded. I think grounded just means you have a sure conviction of what you believe and you have always had that. Love you!


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