Dear Bishop,
I am a woman who has battled betrayal trauma. D-Day (Discovery Day, or the day a woman discovers the pornography or sex addiction or sexual infidelity of her spouse) was almost 6 years ago for me. I am in a really good place now and am seeking to make the way smoother for the women coming behind me. There is an increasing amount of emerging information about what a woman experiences from the sexual betrayal of her spouse, which is exciting! It's time to bring these resources into a gospel context.
It has been difficult to find information that adequately represents the significance of what women go through from betrayal trauma (almost 70% of individuals experience most of the symptoms of PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!---see Kevin Skinner, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal, 7). PTSD is a major mental health issue and requires a qualified professional in order to be diagnosed with it. If a woman doesn't fit all of the criteria to be diagnosed, she is said to be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress (still extremely significant). While the attention is on getting the husband sober and ideally into recovery, Satan is slipping her drops of poison. She needs just as much (though different), and sometimes even more, help and support as her husband.
It can be equally difficult to find information that not only explains the extent that most women struggle, but also is respectful, encouraging, and free of shame for the bishops or other leaders. I have done my absolute best to gather in from equally balanced resources---fairly representing women and their leaders. I have included the most up-to-date information from therapists and experts that I believe would be helpful to bishops in supporting individuals with betrayal trauma. I have also done my best to share from my personal experience, research and study, years of 12-step programs, and working with professionals in such a light (fair to women and bishops).
There were a few items that are copyrighted materials that I was given permission to include in what I prepared for our stake, but have removed from this copy. I have cited references to them, so you can still get that information. The following document is 43 pages long FYI---just so you aren't surprised if you choose to print it! I printed these out for the bishops in our stake and put them in 3-ring binders so we can add or remove information as needed.
I am in no way claiming to be an expert...just a woman with first-hand experience who cares and has spent an extensive amount of time in research and prayer. Please share any changes, updates, or information that you feel would be helpful or pertinent to be included whether you are an individual with betrayal trauma experience, therapist, or an ecclesiastical leader. I am open to make this the best resource possible! Leave a comment here or e-mail me at willis.katy@gmail.com.
Bishops, do not underestimate how much we as wives need you!!! God has called you as these womens' bishop at this time for a reason! I am still married today because my bishops earned a place on my support team and took that role seriously. I know first-hand how important ecclesiastical leaders can be to the recovery process. Almost 30% of individuals will experience the PTSD symptoms for longer than 2 years, but shorter than 5 years, with an additionally nearly 25% experiencing them for longer than 5 years (see Skinner, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal, 39). I believe women need their bishops longer than one or two check-in appointments. Included is what I believe to be a general idea of how you can best support your women through this critical and heart-wrenching time.
May God bless you as you seek to understand these women, know God's love and will for them individually, and how to point them to the healing power of Jesus Christ in the details of their personal lives and circumstances!!!
All my love,
Katy
Go HERE to download the PDF I have put together as a Bishop's Resource for Betrayal Trauma.
Also consider on ways to get resources immediately into the women's hands. 72 hours or less after the woman discovers the infidelity or addiction is the golden window of opportunity. Check out THIS non-profit (free) and my hubby's movie clip HERE for our stake's Christ-centered spin off that cost $9.24 per box.
There are also a few resources that I have found since last updating the document HERE (at the very bottom of the page).
I am a woman who has battled betrayal trauma. D-Day (Discovery Day, or the day a woman discovers the pornography or sex addiction or sexual infidelity of her spouse) was almost 6 years ago for me. I am in a really good place now and am seeking to make the way smoother for the women coming behind me. There is an increasing amount of emerging information about what a woman experiences from the sexual betrayal of her spouse, which is exciting! It's time to bring these resources into a gospel context.
It has been difficult to find information that adequately represents the significance of what women go through from betrayal trauma (almost 70% of individuals experience most of the symptoms of PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder!---see Kevin Skinner, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal, 7). PTSD is a major mental health issue and requires a qualified professional in order to be diagnosed with it. If a woman doesn't fit all of the criteria to be diagnosed, she is said to be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress (still extremely significant). While the attention is on getting the husband sober and ideally into recovery, Satan is slipping her drops of poison. She needs just as much (though different), and sometimes even more, help and support as her husband.
It can be equally difficult to find information that not only explains the extent that most women struggle, but also is respectful, encouraging, and free of shame for the bishops or other leaders. I have done my absolute best to gather in from equally balanced resources---fairly representing women and their leaders. I have included the most up-to-date information from therapists and experts that I believe would be helpful to bishops in supporting individuals with betrayal trauma. I have also done my best to share from my personal experience, research and study, years of 12-step programs, and working with professionals in such a light (fair to women and bishops).
There were a few items that are copyrighted materials that I was given permission to include in what I prepared for our stake, but have removed from this copy. I have cited references to them, so you can still get that information. The following document is 43 pages long FYI---just so you aren't surprised if you choose to print it! I printed these out for the bishops in our stake and put them in 3-ring binders so we can add or remove information as needed.
I am in no way claiming to be an expert...just a woman with first-hand experience who cares and has spent an extensive amount of time in research and prayer. Please share any changes, updates, or information that you feel would be helpful or pertinent to be included whether you are an individual with betrayal trauma experience, therapist, or an ecclesiastical leader. I am open to make this the best resource possible! Leave a comment here or e-mail me at willis.katy@gmail.com.
Bishops, do not underestimate how much we as wives need you!!! God has called you as these womens' bishop at this time for a reason! I am still married today because my bishops earned a place on my support team and took that role seriously. I know first-hand how important ecclesiastical leaders can be to the recovery process. Almost 30% of individuals will experience the PTSD symptoms for longer than 2 years, but shorter than 5 years, with an additionally nearly 25% experiencing them for longer than 5 years (see Skinner, Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal, 39). I believe women need their bishops longer than one or two check-in appointments. Included is what I believe to be a general idea of how you can best support your women through this critical and heart-wrenching time.
May God bless you as you seek to understand these women, know God's love and will for them individually, and how to point them to the healing power of Jesus Christ in the details of their personal lives and circumstances!!!
All my love,
Katy
Go HERE to download the PDF I have put together as a Bishop's Resource for Betrayal Trauma.
Also consider on ways to get resources immediately into the women's hands. 72 hours or less after the woman discovers the infidelity or addiction is the golden window of opportunity. Check out THIS non-profit (free) and my hubby's movie clip HERE for our stake's Christ-centered spin off that cost $9.24 per box.
There are also a few resources that I have found since last updating the document HERE (at the very bottom of the page).
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