This chapter is towards the end of our journey together on purpose because,
like the marriage chapter, it is much more effectively addressed once we have
gone through the other two parts of the book first. In one of his books, Dan
Siegel’s message is that we need to be aware of ourselves and our own “left
overs,” as he calls them. We have already labeled these as traumatic events
in the mind chapter.
like the marriage chapter, it is much more effectively addressed once we have
gone through the other two parts of the book first. In one of his books, Dan
Siegel’s message is that we need to be aware of ourselves and our own “left
overs,” as he calls them. We have already labeled these as traumatic events
in the mind chapter.
When we find ourselves experiencing strong emotions unwarranted
for the situation at hand, we would do well to examine the experience
more closely. As we already discussed in the mind chapter, such
“Emotions” or unwanted “Actions/Behaviors” in our parenting moments
are red flags that there is something bubbling below the surface worthy
of our discovery and attention. This is the same point of Dan’s book;
however, it’s tailored to parenting moments (Parenting From the
Inside Out, find page #).
for the situation at hand, we would do well to examine the experience
more closely. As we already discussed in the mind chapter, such
“Emotions” or unwanted “Actions/Behaviors” in our parenting moments
are red flags that there is something bubbling below the surface worthy
of our discovery and attention. This is the same point of Dan’s book;
however, it’s tailored to parenting moments (Parenting From the
Inside Out, find page #).
When we have taken care of our own “left overs” we can be more present
for our child in this moment rather than subconsciously reliving our own
past. This moment becomes about our child instead of being a trigger
for our own unaddressed experiences from the past. When our child is
having a big moment and is sending us signals through his “Actions/Behaviors”
or “Emotions,” we can miss them if we haven’t adequately addressed our own
past. Our own pasts can distract away from the opportunities to minister to
our children.
for our child in this moment rather than subconsciously reliving our own
past. This moment becomes about our child instead of being a trigger
for our own unaddressed experiences from the past. When our child is
having a big moment and is sending us signals through his “Actions/Behaviors”
or “Emotions,” we can miss them if we haven’t adequately addressed our own
past. Our own pasts can distract away from the opportunities to minister to
our children.
When there are leftovers, we are no longer present to help our child with
his needs. This moment becomes clouded over by what was stirred inside
of us. We find ourselves responding to our own fight/flight/freeze mode.
Rather than steering our child towards emotional regulation for the moment
and using the present observations to impact lasting change, we have
now joined him in the chaos.
his needs. This moment becomes clouded over by what was stirred inside
of us. We find ourselves responding to our own fight/flight/freeze mode.
Rather than steering our child towards emotional regulation for the moment
and using the present observations to impact lasting change, we have
now joined him in the chaos.
Parenting is like marriage in that it can be a mirror to show us what is
still needing to be addressed about ourselves. If we are having an undue
emotional response to a situation, we would be wise to take the time to
break it up and walk it back. Some things are stressful or unnerving. I am
talking about unusual reactions for what the situation would warrant.
still needing to be addressed about ourselves. If we are having an undue
emotional response to a situation, we would be wise to take the time to
break it up and walk it back. Some things are stressful or unnerving. I am
talking about unusual reactions for what the situation would warrant.
We need to come to a resolution of our own story so our minds can be free to respond
in conscious ways to him. This is a lifetime process. We won’t be perfect, but as we
clear away more and more of what would keep us from showing up for our child, his
big moments can be about him instead of me. We must be present to what is going
on in these moments rather than having tugs to sink into our own unresolved past
in order to clearly see how to point our child to Christ.
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