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| 9 months pregnant with Ship and still doing my daily yoga routine. |
I started doing Kundalini Yoga during the twins' pregnancy. It was the first time I had a regular exercise routine during pregnancy (or as a mom for that fact). It was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life! In addition to the grief from the loss of these babies, I was also disappointed to lose my routine! I wasn't pregnant anymore, so I couldn't do pregnancy yoga (my thoughts).
So I looked for other Kundalini Yoga options. My first non-pregnancy experience was with the DVD set, "Journey Through the Chakras" with Maya Fiennes. I found it when Mark was working multiple jobs, so after I tucked the kids in bed and waited up for him to get home I had a few hours every night for my self care. Every night I would escape down to the basement for 30-60 minutes of yoga. Night after night I continued for months. Even though back then I didn't understand why it was doing what it was doing for me, I knew I felt awesome afterward---and that was good enough for me.
I believe adding yoga to my life at this critical time is one reason I was able to keep up with my group in the group counseling program. I believe yoga helped me attack the roots of my own unhealthy behaviors and the roots of betrayal trauma. As I was working to address these roots on a conscious level through professional private and group counseling and working the 12-step program, I was also attacking the roots on a subconscious level too. I didn't have to be aware of everything that was happening or the changes that were taking place. Yoga (and my other "new age hippie" awesomeness) was working for me too, often without requiring my understanding of it or having to do the same kind of work as these equally important (to me) ways I was digging down to and removing the roots.
Fast forward about 6 months. I found a much better (for me) yoga solution: Christ-centered yoga. I began taking classes from my new teacher. HERE is her beginner's class. This isn't a class that I have personally taken, but I have heard great things about it and I highly recommend all of the other classes I have taken from her (so I can't endorse it from personal experience, but I can endorse her as an awesome yoga teacher!). 4 years ago I also took her teacher trainer course. She still does them, so if you are interested contact her for info on the next upcoming one. She also wrote a book that you can purchase HERE or read on her blog HERE. The physical copy of the book is beautiful! It's in color and includes pictures to go with the meditations and Kriyas. As I began teaching, I found a whole new level of healing and deep digging. It was a privilege to begin teaching yoga to others. I cannot explain the electric moment of tuning in for yoga for the first time as the teacher!
If you can't tell...I really like Kundalini Yoga.:) It is one or many reasons I am who I am today. It's one of many reasons Mark is nearly 6 years out from his last major relapse (he learned a bit of yoga too). It's one of many reasons I am not a crazy person (or as much as I would have been. lol) or completely crippled by betrayal trauma. If I didn't tell you what I have been through, it would be nearly undetectable because I am living a "normal" life and have been able to find healing from the past. It's not just stuffed down as a ticking time bomb any more. There will always be more for the rest of our time as mortals, but I have worked through the big stuff and will continue to work through the rest as it continues to surface. And it's incredible that this is possible!
I haven't taught regularly since we moved 2 years ago, BUT I just taught a really powerful class this week. There were several who couldn't attend but wanted to, so I recorded it! It's the first time I have recorded on my mac. I apologize it isn't the best recording, but for FREE you can't complain, right? :) I will share the link to the class at the bottom of this post. Hopefully between the recording and the links to the mediations and Kriyas you can catch what we did. I will also link in a few other resources to help you in your research and to get rolling with Kundalini Yoga if it sounds like something you want to explore and experience further.
The Kriya in this class (the Kriya to release deep anger) is the most powerful Kriya for supporting betrayal trauma that I have learned or used. I learned it during Shipton's pregnancy, which is funny because with being pregnant there was very little of the Kriya I could actually do. I did my best to modify and participate as I could and laid on my side and cried for the rest. It still worked for me. It hit the release button to begin to allow an escape for the intense and pent up anger. It took about 2 years of my husband's consistent sobriety and early recovery before I began to fall apart. My mind had tried to protect me. I feared falling apart because I had been holding our family together. But once he had demonstrated enough safety, I began to break down deeper and deeper. I remember for about 2 weeks straight basically crying most every waking moment because the anger was so intense. I wasn't mad at my husband for the current dynamic, but I was ragingly irate for what had happened in the past. For the first time I was feeling the full extent of the emotions (anger only being one of them) and it was an intense time for me. My mind (and body) weren't keeping up with the emotional demands. I had not been able to fully release the anger even though I was targeting it in multiple ways physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but this Kriya popped the hole in it so that the anger could begin to ooze out. About a year later when I was hitting the trauma work really hard, I added this Kriya (as well as a few additional meditations) to my normal yoga routine. I believe adding this Kirya is one of several reasons I was able to keep up with the emotional demand of my "capstone project" in our group counseling program.
So here is an outline for the class:
Tune in:
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo
Aad Guray Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh
Alternate Nostril Breathing
Cat Cow (#7 on this list)
The Kriya to Release Deep Anger
The guided imagery journey isn't necessarily part of a typical yoga class, but I love to add it in when I can because it's one more tool for healing and release. I was trained by my yoga teacher in a separate training. You can check out the training details HERE.
Meditation for Release of Cold Depression
Tune out:
May the Long Time Sun
Shine upon you
All love surround you
And the pure light
Within you
Guide your way on
Guide your way on
Resources:
If you are in Northern Utah, there is an awesome Christ-centered Kundalini Yoga teacher up in Logan. He offers multiple classes.
When you are searching for information on Kundalini Yoga, look for KY and meditation as taught by Yogi Bhajan. Just like with most things, not everything you turn up is worthy of your time or attention; good things are often warped or even twisted by those with ill intent. Sticking with Yogi Bhajan (the man who introduced KY to the western world) is your best best. Some websites that may be helpful for you:
3Ho.org
Pinklotus.org
Spiritvoyage.com/mantra
Kundalini is available true to the Aquarian age: in an information over-load style. What this means to me is that a person must not get distracted by the sheer volumes of what is available at our very fingertips on this (and just about any) subject. Rather than giving in to the temptation to take it all in and dabble here or there, the best suggestion I can offer is to pick SOMETHING and STICK WITH IT. Although I have experienced first-hand the potency of the one time use of Kundalini Yoga, the true power lies in doing it day after day, week after week, year after year. Sometimes in this time of instant answers and gratification we don't always like to hear that, but like with other things that shape us and help us become a different person, it takes an investment of time over time to take deep and lasting effect. You will get more out of a 3 minute meditation or Kriya that you stick with, than an occasion Kundalini Yoga class or an hour every day, but the practice being completely different each time. In different times and seasons I have added more yoga or taken some away, but my core practice has remained the same.
There is power in choosing something, setting your intention, and STICKING with it. Especially on dark days, or days when we don't feel light, bright, or happy---sometimes days when we do not have the desire to do what we "know" we "should." We are blessed as we do all we can to push through the resistance and apathy. We don't have to shoulder that darkness ourselves! We can rely on Christ's grace, everyday and always, but especially on dark days. If we turn to Him, even feebly, that is all He needs to be able to carry us through---even if the darkness isn't immediately dispelled.
To wrap this up, let me ask for an exchange if you choose to participate in this class. In all my trainings I was taught that we must have an exchange for the classes or services we offer. Most often that exchange comes as a monetary one. Have you ever thought about that? When we hand over our money, we are taking part in an exchange; we give something to receive something (and vice versa for the person offering the goods or services). I don't want or need your money! This class is free of a monetary charge, but I still want an exchange from you. Here is what I ask: if you feel lighter and better from this class, I ask that you please pass it on! When you see the opportunity (or better yet, pray for God to show you) where you could make somebody else's day brighter, please do that (whatever "that" is). I don't need your money, your praise, or your thanks, but THAT is the exchange I need---to make the world a brighter place.
HERE is the class. Enjoy!
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