What if I only cleaned my house once ever? You and I both know that dishes pile up and laundry needs to be washed, dried, folded, and put away. No matter how many times I clean, we have people who live in our house and so things get dirty. Can you see that such an expectation isn’t realistic?
Because of daily living, we must maintain what we have gained. As we continue to experience and learn, we can see things differently. Old ways of thinking no longer serve us. We can detect the tricky truths or lies that had previously eluded our grasp of understanding.
We will be working on this process for the rest of our lives. This process is a lifelong process. Although it’s important to open all the Belief Boxes and take inventory of what is in there, it won’t be complete in a one-time sit-down effort.
As I did this for myself, there were some things that were so tricky I could not initially assign them to a pile. I found it helpful to create a fourth pile: “I’m not sure yet.” Once I had more experience or knowledge at a future date, I could remove it from that pile and move it to one of the other piles. Then I could take care of it accordingly. I finally had a peg to hang it on, so to speak.
Just because we believe something doesn’t mean it’s necessarily True. It simply means we believe it! :) Just because something is more familiar than its counter Truth doesn’t necessarily mean it is Truth either. Just because it feels more comfortable doesn’t automatically mean it’s Truth. Depending on what we uncover about our faulty core beliefs, we may be able to make more sense of these more slippery beliefs in our Belief Boxes. It is our faulty core beliefs that can make us feel more comfortable with lies and truths than the honest reality of Truth.
In the foster care training my husband and I attended, we were taught that the foster child is usually more afraid of their foster parents and foster home than their biological parents or own home. That was difficult to wrap my brain around. Our trainer was telling us these kids were more scared of safe homes and parents where their needs would be met and they would be respected and loved than the homes and parents they just left where they were regularly abused, neglected, or in constant worry.
Kids feel more comfortable with the abuse or neglect because that is what they have known. That may be as difficult for you to hear as it was for us, but it’s the way our brain and mind is wired. We dismiss what is unfamiliar, even if it would be better for us. So, we can’t use those types of tests as we sort this all out. I hope spelling those things out to you will be helpful as you get going with this.
My husband has a business degree with an emphasis in supply chain management. Maybe the word inventory is a comfortable word to me because of my exposure through him. When he talks about the inventory at work, he is just talking about what products the company currently has in the warehouse.
Sometimes he talks about taking inventory, or giving an accounting of what is in stock. Maybe you can think about this rummaging we are about to do in these terms. We just want to see what is in our mind. That’s it. Sometimes when people talk about doing an inventory it can be given unnecessary drama or painted in such a fearful light that others may never take the time to do it.
Like I said, I was scared for my first inventory too. I think mainly this fear came from such talk by others around me and also not understanding fully why I was doing what I was doing. When I did my first inventory, I didn’t know any of these things I have spent the chapter (and much of the entire book) telling you!
Hopefully you feel better prepared than I did. Since that first inventory, I have done at least 3 other major inventories. Again, taking an inventory really doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than it is intended to be. We are just poking around to see what is in our Belief Boxes and organizing it a bit so we can get rid of what doesn’t need to be in there anymore. So, take a big breath if you need to.
Now, there are several ways you could approach this. You can also come up with your own way or even take bits or pieces from each of these. First, it must be a written inventory. There is power in writing it down. It sinks in deeper than just floating around in our heads. We also can walk it back like we need to more easily if it’s written.
It must work for you, so it really doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you take note of what is in there. The whole point of taking inventory is for you to see as clearly as possible what is there, and therefore, you can walk your actions and behaviors back to the roots and discover the patterns.
However you choose to approach it, here are a few things to take into consideration:
Make sure you are praying as you go through this! God will help you as you ask and your Savior will not abandon you now!
You may want to find someone who had done an inventory before. They may be helpful and supportive if you have questions, need encouragement, or to help you be accountable to finish it.
Be aware of how you are feeling as you do this. You may need extra self care or take an unplanned break from it if your emotions are running high.
You may want to decide ahead of time (or even see how it feels) to just let it flow on its own or you may need to have set-aside time to work on it. If you choose to let it come as it comes then it may be helpful to keep a paper and pencil on your person at all times. That way you can jot it down as it comes without forgetting anything. If you set aside time, that may be a good choice to have a bit more control on the process as far as maybe needing decompression time between working on it and coming back to “present life” and responsibilities.
If you are worried about someone finding your inventory, pray about a solution. I know God can help you address this concern or other fears or concerns you may have with doing this.
Here are a few ways you may want to approach this:
1. Use your natural/fallen man tendencies as the “Actions/Behaviors” you want to address, then walk it back to the “Beliefs” by asking yourself “What was I feeling(s) before I did that?” “What thought made me feel like that (Why would I feel like that)?” “Why would I think that?” After establishing a “Belief” you can ask yourself, “Where did that come from?” (Was there an event in your life that you can pin down the introductions of the belief?) Do this one by one. You can write it in a paragraph form or make yourself a chart. You can write sentences or just words or phrases (as long as you know what they mean). Whatever works for you is fine.
2. You can just start writing what comes to your mind and come back to organize later. If you choose this approach, be sure to give yourself enough words or phrases to know what you are talking about. Maybe off the top of your head you know there were events that happened to you or even events that you did to others that programmed lies and mis-framed truths. You can just brainstorm these events, then come back later to walk it through by asking yourself, “What did this teach me about myself, others, or the world?” (What are the truths and lies?) “What do those beliefs make me think?” “How do those thoughts make me feel?” “What did I do because I felt that way?”
3. You can go chronologically. You can start with your earliest memories and proceed. For example, under the age of maybe “middle school” you would list all the events and go through one by one to figure out where the “Beliefs” “Thoughts,” “Emotions,” and “Actions/Behaviors” came from. You can go backwards or forwards by starting on the event end or the “Actions/Behaviors” end.
4. In A Princess Story, Jaci shares a powerful way to take inventory. She listed major commandments one by one then asks questions to see how you are doing with each one. You should already be planning to get your hands on her book anyway,:) so now may be a good reason to go get it! She lists this as pages and pages (too long to quote directly in this book). If you take this approach, it may be a good idea to expand it out by asking yourself the same questions listed in the other approaches. Start with the “Action/Behavior,” but walk it back to what is actually beneath.
5. You can even do pictures. You don’t have to be an amazing artist. You can draw primitive stick figures if you have to! One of my inventories was actually a drawn inventory of the events from my earliest memories to the most recent. Just make sure to label your pictures with enough words that you know what they mean. Also, you must still do the work as well to pin down the “Beliefs,” “Thoughts,” “Emotions,” and “Actions/Behaviors” for each event. WRITE those parts of it, even if it’s just a few words or in simple phrases.
6. My husband put his inventory into a narrative form. I had the privilege of him reading it to me and hearing it as a story was powerful! Writing it like this was helped him to follow the story of his own life more easily. He was able to connect things and recognize things that he otherwise would have been more likely to miss. Even though it was in a narrative form, his inventory still included the same elements as the others (“Events,” “Inputs,” “Beliefs,” “Thoughts,” “Emotions,” and “Actions/Behaviors”).
Once we have all the events or “Actions/behaviors” we can think of, pray and ask God if there are more. Once we are absolutely certain we have done all we can at this point, we can have confidence that it is enough. Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect. This will be something we will continue to work on for the rest of our lives.
Other things will come to our attention later. There may be events we missed in this first big inventory that will come forward in our memory when it’s the right time. Don't let perfection keep you from seeing this through. Once we have as much information as we can prayerfully generate about our inventory, it’s time to take one last look.
This time we are trying to figure out what the patterns are. Can you link any events from your past with the “Actions/Behaviors” of your more recent life? Can you see that when you look at it like this, you might discover some predictable patterns or tendencies about yourself that previously seemed unrelated or erratic?
Many people find the things in their Belief Boxes are closely related or actually only have a few major categories that the beliefs are all tied to. Sometimes when we reach in to pull out one belief, we actually discover a whole string of similar beliefs that are all tied together.
Can you pick out the patterns? In what ways have you been misusing the Atonement? In what ways have you tried in the past to do it yourself or address it at the “Action/Behavior” level only (like that branch that thinks it can pop out its fruit on its own)? Take the time to write out what you discover here. It can just be off to the side of your inventory or on a separate piece of paper.
There are also two additional types of inventories you may choose to participate in. First, is a positive written inventory. For me personally, I didn’t need this experience. Before my first inventory I was more on the narcissistic side. I was so confident that I was “on track.” I had a check-mark next to every box because I attended church every week, always held a current temple recommend, fulfilled my callings, did nice things for my neighbors, was a good wife and mom, etc.
As I was finally honest with myself, I could see that even all the nice things I was doing weren’t actually motivated by my innate kindness. I was bringing dinner because I secretly hoped other people would bring dinner when my family was sick too. I was doing my visiting teaching because I dreaded the phone calls with the guilts trip each month of having to report if I didn’t go. And I honestly didn’t know there was a better way to cope and deal with betrayal trauma than my own hand-made attempts.
I know some of these examples are silly things, but doing my inventory helped me discover that I wasn’t really doing as good as I thought I was. This discovery is exactly what I needed in order to understand the truth.
For some who may tend to the other end of going into it already very aware they are falling short or those who tend to beat themselves up for every little thing, they may find a positive inventory helpful.
If you choose to participate in this additional inventory, simply do what you did for the other inventory, but only look for the positives. What are the good “Actions/Behaviors?” What are you doing well? Find a way that this works for you if a positive inventory is of interest.
Second, you could take an angel inventory. The purpose of this is to see where God has been in your life. Take the time to see God’s hand in the details. Shuffle around your inventory into a timeline in chronological order if needed. Although you went through difficult experiences, where was God through them?
Make note of the angels. Who did He send to teach you, love you, support you? What other blessings or gifts did He place on your path at just the right times? In what ways did He send you strength and the ability to endure? Are there any specific or detailed experiences that come to your mind? Write that all down if you choose to participate in this.
Before we close this chapter, we still have a few more things to address. First, we still need to discuss the second way we have power at the “Belief” level.
When we tap into power from Christ at the “Belief” level, it can allow for true and lasting change in our “Actions/Behaviors.” We have the power to crowd out the lies and truths by inviting our Belief Boxes to be filled with Truth. We need to also start discussing how to keep these troublesome weeds, or Satan’s lies, from popping up again once and for all.
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