So far we have looked at changing what we do by focusing our efforts on our “Actions/Behavior” level, “Emotional” level, and “Thoughts” level. Let’s now examine the “Input” level.
Could our focus at this level stop or change our “Actions/Behaviors?” Surely this must be where we can prevent unwanted actions and behaviors from happening by simply heading off the entire process. Although we do have some level of control as far as what comes into our minds and bodies, relying on preventing our actions and behaviors by simply avoiding any troublesome “Inputs” isn’t realistic. We don’t live in a bubble, nor did God intend for us to.
Things happen. Many of them are out of our control. Others around us have their agency too. Things just sometimes happen as part of living in this fallen world subject to certain laws. Additionally, can you see how this isn’t a long-term solution? Simply avoiding certain “Inputs” only sets us up for failure because, inevitably, we will cross paths with whatever we are trying to avoid.
When avoidance is our tactic, we never learn how to deal with it. I know this is difficult because avoidance can be a major and familiar coping solution. Can you see, though, that this is what Lehi was describing as being “acted upon?” (2 Nephi 2:26).
It is God’s intention that we “act for [our]selves and not to be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:26). The goal, which is an attainable one, is that we can have peace regardless of what “Input” is coming in. That is probably hard to imagine. It was for me when I was at that fragile stage of not even functioning within the walls of my own home. It isn’t accomplished in an instant, though. For most of us, this is a process (and like other processes of morality, one that may continue after our time on the earth has ended).
We must take the steps so we can have what we need regardless of whether others are or aren’t doing certain things or certain things do or don’t happen. We have more control over this than you might think at this point. I will show you how in just a moment. First, we need to talk about an interesting category of “Input” called triggers.
True to the name of this section, for those who have been through significantly difficult life events, this section may be triggering. Take that into account as you read and pay attention to yourself and what you need as you read.
Sometimes, because of past experiences, certain “Inputs” can be what is called a trigger. I think trigger is the perfect word to describe this type of “Input.” Think about a trap that has a spring or think about a gun. When the trigger is pulled, it sets off a string of events. Some poor, unsuspecting animal sets off the trigger and in a split second finds itself helplessly trapped.
The same is true for an emotional trigger. When we unknowingly step on one of these bombs, we can go from “Input” to some unreal crazy actions and behaviors in less than a split second. We can feel just as trapped as if we were in a physical trap intended for hunting.
First, let me explain a little what causes triggers in the first place. Then we will be able to describe what a trigger is more clearly so you can hopefully start spotting some of these in your own life.
Triggers are caused by trauma. Again, I think this is a perfect word. The nurse in me immediately pictures a medical scenario with a gaping wound caused by blunt trauma, or sometimes an event may cause internal trauma (or trauma that is not visible on the outside of the body). Even though we cannot see the wound with our eyes, we can detect the signs that there is a significant wound inside the body. Emotional trauma is the same.
There is something that happened which caused an emotional or mental wound. The tricky part about trauma is that although there are a few things that we would maybe consider being “a given” as far as likely to cause trauma (such as abuse of any kind, neglect, natural disasters, or the sexual betrayal of a spouse), the degree to which it is traumatic and what is perceived as trauma is unique to the individual.
Even if two people both have a similar experience, they will react to it differently. One may have major trauma from the event, one may be somewhat traumatized, and one may only be mildly affected. There is no event that could be just crossed off as "not possible to be traumatic." There is no list we can check our lives against to see if our experiences somehow do or don’t qualify as traumatic.
Even if it is merely our perception, our experience of that event is valid. ANYTHING can cause trauma. What may be traumatic to one may not be to another. For there to be a trigger, there must first be some sort of emotional or mental trauma.
We receive a heavy blow in these difficult life experiences. At the moment these deep wounds are created, something happens that we can’t understand. We try to make sense of what happened and why. Again, it doesn’t have to be something as horrendous as abuse. It doesn’t have to cut as deeply as a spouse being unfaithful.
Let’s touch for a moment on these deeper forms of trauma. When a traumatic event happens in a primary relationship (parents, parent-figure, or spouse), it is called betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma is an even more delicate type of trauma because it happens in relationships and with events that should never even be of question.
It should be a given that a child is kept safe, basic needs are met, and the child is validated and loved. It should be a given that when a couple gets married, there should never be a question of anything short of complete fidelity at all times---especially for those couples who have made covenants in the temple and have the expectation of an eternal marriage. It is also eroding to an individual to experience and later face the layers of lies required to cover up such a secret life.
So, when abuse or infidelity do happen to a person, it can be crippling if the “takeaways” from these events go undetected. In terms of the gospel, our “takeaways” are the lies Satan and his henchmen are eager to offer us as explainable solutions and answers to our questions of why this happened. These lies can stay firmly rooted and continue to grow deeper and bigger. The lies, half-truths, or misperceptions from traumatic events, especially betrayal trauma, will continue to create crazy “Actions/Behaviors” designed by our brains and minds to keep us safe or protect us from it ever happening to us again. I will explain this more fully in a moment.
Because of the changes to the nervous system and the brain from trauma, the trigger is interwoven in the body. As a person is being triggered, or a trigger is hitting on one of these Satan lies, it sets off the nervous system so it isn’t that a memory is simply being recalled. A person is literally reliving the traumatic event. Sometimes we feel sick to our stomach, our chest feels tight, or even our heart rate increases and our breathing becomes more shallow...all in response to what is going on in our minds. In such situations, an the part of an individual's brain that is responsible for tracking time is offline (cite from Kolk’s book) so a person cannot differentiate that the event is from the past. It is literally being registered as the present. You must understand that a trigger doesn’t just stir negative beliefs and therefore “Thoughts,” “Emotions,” and “Actions/Behaviors.” A trigger fires off the brain and the nervous system, too. That is one more reason why we explored the body before the mind.
For now, understand that it doesn’t matter how the wound comes---whether it is one of these more “obvious” types of trauma or something from your childhood that, on the surface, might seem silly. In these moments when something significant (to us) happens, our souls are also wounded.
A good hint into uncovering these experiences is asking yourself, “What are my greatest fears?” Sometimes we are able to gently walk it back to these significant experiences from the past based on our answers to this question.
Have you ever thought about why certain memories are so vivid? Some seemingly mundane, everyday life experiences are quite deeply engraved in our minds while others are not. Why is that?
There is something there that our minds need us to remember. These events are so traumatic because it is as if our mind is bookmarking it for us. It is saving it for later when we are past needing to merely survive the moment of intensity. Our minds are miraculously designed to adapt like that---to just shut off and get us through the moment at hand. Our minds recognize when we are hitting our overload point. These moments are too painful or difficult to face head-on, so our brains are able to “shelf it” for us.
In our growing awareness of these unresolved traumas being triggered, we have an important choice. We can take back our power and act rather than fall victims to the triggers or the patterns of going down the familiar paths of “Thoughts” without our awareness of them (and then the big “Emotions” and the possibility of undesired “Actions/Behaviors” that result from it as well).
These traumatic events change something about us. We go into them trusting, naive, or unaware. Because of what has happened to us, we pick up beliefs. These beliefs may be about ourselves, about other people, or about the world around us and how it works.
We do the best we can to make sense of the event(s). These traumatic events, even as seemingly small as parents forgetting something insignificant to adults or teasing from other children on the playground, leave us feeling confused, shameful, and trying to figure out why it happened. We do the best we can to figure it out (and again, Satan and his henchmen are watching and eagerly waiting for moments like this). These beliefs that developed from traumatic events are only partially true or not true at all.
Some examples of our takeaway beliefs from such events: “I’m not good enough.” “I can’t trust people.” “I have to do it on my own.” “Nobody cares about me.” “I am a failure.” “I am worthless.” “I am not worthy of love.” “I am unlovable.” And on and on this list can go.
Satan and his henchmen have studied human nature for centuries. Additionally, they remembers who you were before you came to this earth. I believe Satan and his followers offer us those tailored lies that are most likely to stick personally. One person’s take-away from the exact same experience will not necessarily be another person’s take-away. Even for family members involved in the same incident, we walk away being changed in different ways than the other people involved because Satan feeds us the lies that we will be most likely to accept.
Satan is all too eager, especially at these critical times, to get his foot in the door of our mind! Satan and his minions love to whisper lies at these pivotal moments. And because of what just happened to us, what we witnessed, or did to someone else, it seems these new beliefs must be true. We allow these beliefs, true or not, to take root in our minds and grow.
Sometimes we don’t even need Satan. We can do the damage ourselves! Maybe it’s simply a misunderstanding or a misperception of the situation. Regardless of the details of how these beliefs come, they can have a powerful hold on us until we allow ourselves to be freed from them.
When we hit a trigger, what is actually being triggered is one of those beliefs that we picked up from a traumatic event. Because it’s a lie, I believe we innately try to reject it. Deep down inside, we know what Truth feels like. And this isn’t it. But it seems like it must be true. Because of this, it creates conflict within us. It is my belief that is why we experience discomfort to negative emotions in our bodies or why even something that is actually True, but less familiar than the lie can do that as well. We can literally feel the "conflict within us" if we learn to observe it.
Although we have accumulated a debt through our fallen and natural man tendencies, redemption (or buying us back) isn't all our Savior can offer us. As we go through our experiences in mortality, it changes us. It creates more and more distance from God and the Truth. It can harden us and creates almost a film or shell that wasn't there before coming to this earth. We will visit this aspect in the next chapter, but understand that Christ not only buys us back, but He can also change our natures into holiness. He makes us whole. More on that soon.
Sometimes we hit one trigger that sets off a whole cascade of other triggers. We find ourselves emotionally trying to navigate a war-zone laden with hidden mines that will blow up in our face.
Because of the special way these traumatic events are recorded in our brains, they are recalled in a different way than we normally recall other memories (find the citation from Dan’s book). We have no sense that the memory is being recalled. We are on autopilot. We have an “Input” that is a trigger firing off some touchy “Belief”, that kicks out “Thoughts,” which causes a strong emotional response (“Emotions”), which can lead to panic attacks for some, or to “Actions/Behaviors” reflective of our need for security, control, safety, or whatever the “Belief” is centered around.
A person can go from trigger to trauma response in a split second. Then once we are at an “Action/Behavior” level we can cycle back through all over again based on the experiences that produce more “Input:” the “Actions/Behaviors” themselves acting as yet another “Input.” Sometimes those “Inputs” are also triggering something else by what appears to be validation for the first lie that was triggered.
For those dealing with betrayal trauma, there can be the additional element similar to those suffering from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Although in the moment they are safe and things are fine, this trigger not only hits the “Belief,” but also throws the individual back to actually reliving the traumatic event. Again, this reliving, or recall of memory, can happen without their awareness that it is happening.
Any event can be traumatic to an individual and anything can be a trigger. In addition to any of the five senses, other categories for triggers are: seasons or holidays, circumstances or situations, places, or people. This list is an endless one. Your important job is to figure out what your triggers are. I encourage you to generate your own list. Again, there is nothing that you can just cross off as "not possible to be a trigger" without taking the time to examine it.
I’m not sure if you will find me saying this helpful or not, but when I took the time to do this exercise, I came up with pages and pages of triggers. Although it was a bit overwhelming and a bit discouraging (I felt like a walking time-bomb, and truly being so trigger-laden, I was just that!), I also felt empowered.
Sometimes just knowing that something has been triggering for me in the past is enough to prevent a trauma response from happening. Sometimes that awareness has helped me to keep a trauma response (when it comes out as big “Emotions” or “Actions/Behaviors”) at bay long enough to work through it and still be able to head off a full-blown trauma response.
By taking the time to figure out what our personal triggers are, we are actually bringing awareness to what is going on in our minds. It brings the information up to a different part of our brains where we can actually work with it in productive ways, rather than it seeming to have a life of its own. Such thinking requires the higher brain functions to be accessible in order to critically think through it. Asking yourself questions can turn that top brain back on.
As we pay attention to our actions and behaviors and learn to become aware of what our bodies may notice first (such as sensations, posture, and breath), our higher brain can come back online more quickly. We can pay attention to how the “Emotion” feels in our body, and our thoughts. These can all be red flags to alert us that something is going on inside our minds.
Pay attention to how you feel. Be mindful of yourself. Take special note of those times the emotion doesn’t seem to match what is happening. If you feel like you are overreacting, then that is a good time to take note of what is beneath it. Observe yourself here.
Ask yourself what you were feeling right before you just did what you did. As you pinpoint the emotion, ask yourself what you were thinking that would provoke such an emotional reaction. Then see if you can figure out what you were thinking. When you catch the thoughts, you can ask yourself why you would think that.
If you can do that, you should be knocking on the front door of a trigger. Don’t forget God can help you with this whole process! As you pray to Him, He will help you in your self-awareness, detective work, and can give you the answers you need (even if you cannot put those answers into words).
Christ can be right there as you go through this. Take Him with you! He knows you may be a triggered mess. He wants you to bring Him into this! Think about who would feed you the lie that you have to be good enough or worthy enough or clean up your life before you could approach your Savior. I will give you a hint: it’s from someone who wants you to stay stuck and blinded to those lies.:)
The good news is these triggers want to be found! Sometimes they may be hard to catch or sneaky about it. We will continue in the same patterns, maybe with different details, circumstances, or “characters,” but we will continue to repeat the patterns until we examine what is beneath them.
These well-worn patterns will continue to catch our attention, if we can recognize them as such. They get louder and louder until they “scream loud enough” for us to finally hear through our emotions or our bodies or we are finally alerted by our undesirable actions (and possibly the effects these have on our loved ones or the world around us). We just have to pay attention to ourselves. Again, if that requires help or support in the form of a spouse, friend, or professionals, then do whatever you need to do in order to secure that for yourself!
We can find our power by understanding and taking responsibility for what is happening rather than remaining victim to it. In just a moment I will show you how to get at the roots of why we do what we do, why we feel what we feel, and why certain “Inputs” really bother us.
As we find these roots and address them at this level, everything else above them falls into place. This is how God can truly change people. This is an important way that we find Christ personally. I didn’t understand this when I took the steps I’m about to show you. I just did it without knowing the full significance at the time.
Before we move on in our exciting adventure, I want to reiterate one last time that we do what we do for a reason. We must understand that! If we want the outcome of becoming powerful at ministering, are we willing to pay the price for it?
Digging in the past can be difficult, especially for those who have big feelings and traumatic events. Take a friend with you! Maybe that is a spouse or a trusted family member. Maybe you need to hire professional help. Whatever you need to do to be able to accomplish this is okay. For now, take a big breath (or whatever you need to feel grounded right now) and buckle up for what is coming up next.
Next Section HERE
Previous Section HERE
Comments
Post a Comment