You and I both know that our time must come from somewhere. It does. We all have 24 hours in a day. When the need to learn to be still came slamming unmistakably into my life, my initial reaction was total panic. I hope that makes you feel a touch better. It came at a time when we had three small children. Our oldest daughter had turned 3 in May, our middle guy was 20 months, and we had a brand new baby. I’m not sure if that paints a dismal enough picture for you of what I was up against in my daily routine.:)
The thought of sorting through all of this---of trying to find even a small sliver of time so I could read my scriptures or pray, let alone exercise or eat better--- just felt completely overwhelming. A few years ago I found it somewhat humorous that my boys were literally building their train tracks around me as I exercised. In sharing my “woes” as a mother of young children, it may not come across as sympathetic to your personal situation, but if you find yourself wondering how you can find the time to be still, you are in good company.
Let me write this simple phrase and see how it feels to you. “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.” Now, this isn’t an absolute to always be used. Sometimes it’s the opposite: I don’t feel like I can, but I really should. That has been the theme of the past year of my own life! Sometimes there are things that are uncomfortable or would mean completely shifting my schedule or my life in order to accommodate them and that is exactly what I need to be doing. My first response might be to say no, yet God needs me to do it anyway. Understand that simple or easy isn’t always the right answer. However, because I believe many of us struggle with keeping our lives meaningful, here it is again: “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.”
We can get some really crazy expectations of ourselves, especially when it comes to what we think we “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. Our yard and home must be magazine-pristine in the way we garden and decorate every inch of our home. It must be immaculately clean all the time. We “can’t” go out of the house without mascara on, not to mention our hair and nails completely perfect, plus the absolute right outfit to match it. We “have” to be trim, thin, and toned. We feel the pressure to have our kids enrolled in every sport, music lesson, or extra-curricular activity. And the kids! They had better look just as nice as we do all the time! We feel expected, or maybe a better explanation is pulled, into the world of social media. We are “just trying to keep in touch” with others. What about church callings? We “have” to include handouts and treats for every lesson or plan extravagant activities. Maybe that sounds far-fetched to you or maybe it hits close to home, but do you get where I am going? If you want to, you could even take out your notebook and jot down what comes to your mind. What are your expectations of yourself for how you “should” use your time?
Now contrast that list you just generated of all the “shoulds” with this statement by Linda S. Reeves. “Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children. As we faced the challenges of parenting and keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help. We prayed and pleaded to know what to do. The answer that came was clear: ‘It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.’
“We were trying to do these things, but they were not always the priority and, amidst the chaos, were sometimes neglected. We changed our focus and tried not to worry about the less-important things. Our focus became to talk, rejoice, preach, and testify of Christ by striving to have daily prayer and study the scriptures and have weekly family home evening.
“A friend recently cautioned, ‘When you ask the sisters to read the scriptures and pray more, it stresses them out. They already feel like they have too much to do.’
“Brothers and sisters, because I know from my own experiences, and those of my husband, I must testify of the blessings of daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. These are the very practices that help take away stress, give direction to our lives, and add protection to our homes. Then, if pornography or other challenges do strike our families, we can petition the Lord for help and expect great guidance from the Spirit, knowing that we have done what our Father has asked us to do.”
Oh, how I love that! When we step back and examine our lives from an eternal perspective, how few things truly matter. The differences between what is truly important and what is trivial suddenly become more clearly defined!
Now please understand. We DO have to go to work. We need a way to provide for ourselves and our families. We do have very mortal things that we must do every single day. We can’t spend ALL of our time in philosophy or solely on heavenly things. Sometimes we have to do things we just don’t want to do. That is part of being an adult. Elder Holland said, “We all have to come down from peak experiences to deal with the regular vicissitudes of life.” Again, what should be left undone in this trade-off of more lofty pursuits for me will likely be different than what it will be for you or for anybody else. The important point is that we take the time to sort this out, and that we do it with Heavenly Father’s help and guidance because He is so very aware of you, your life, and your many responsibilities.
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