Reconciliation

In taking the final steps of repentance, the following is our goal: “And herein do I 
exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and 
toward men” (Acts 24:16, emphasis added). Can you imagine having nothing to 
hide from God, ourselves, or our fellowmen!  And you are on the brink of it! 

Before you rush in to take action on these lists, take some time to consider the 
people and situations you have written down.  Be prayerful. Like the other aspects 
of our journey we have explored together, we need to move forward, yet not within 
a certain timeline or recklessly.  

Not every person on the list can be addressed directly. Reconciliation requires 
two willing parties.  Direct reconciliation may not be possible for every person or 
situation on your lists for various reasons. 

We may not have the chance to speak with some people on our list because of 
death, having lost all contact with them, or not even knowing the person by name.  
Sometimes we can also be unable to reach out like this because it isn’t safe, or sometimes 
the relationship would be further damaged from such an approach. 

Pray for help with these unusual circumstances.  Sometimes finding a different way 
to make amends indirectly such as writing a letter or performing an act of kindness 
are all we can do.

As we look over these lists, prayerfully decide which people we can approach directly.  
Having a face-to-face conversation is ideal, but do the best you can. If a phone call or 
message through social media is the only way you can reach them, than that is all you 
can do. 

However you do it, as you meet with the person, do your best to take responsibility for 
your actions/behaviors and how they affected that individual.  This isn’t a time to argue 
or be defensive or even to try to explain ourselves. It isn’t a time to convince them why 
you took the action/behaviors you did at the time. 

It’s simply the time to acknowledge, from their point of view, how we have harmed 
them or made their life more difficult (or whatever you have jotted down on the list).  
We can offer to make it right. There are situations where we can’t make it perfectly 
right, but we can offer whatever is needed to do so.

I prayed about my list, tucked it away safely, and continued to look at it regularly.  As 
I began this step, it was incredible how many people who were on my list that I was 
suddenly crossing paths with who I hadn’t seen in years. Because I knew they were 
on my list and I knew the reasons they were there, I took advantage of those 
opportunities to apologize.  I know God gave me what I needed to get my life in 
order. It was a tender reminder that He is aware of me and will answer my prayers 
in this process.

Although these were usually terrifying moments for me, I was blessed with the strength 
and courage to apologize, take responsibility, and offer reconciliation.  With social media, 
I was able to track down and extend apologizes as well. 

There were people on my list, as I described that you may find, whom for one 
reason or another, I could not make such a direct restitution to.  I have done my 
best to find ways to put my life in order as directly and completely as possible for 
now. I am poised and ready if opportunities arise to make more further direct amends.

Not everyone will receive your apology even when you approach the situation 
carefully and prayerfully.  Sometimes we may be surprised at the person’s negative 
response. In such situations, we can take hope, knowing we have done all we can 
on our end to clear the air.  

We aren’t responsible for another person’s reactions or their emotions or behaviors.  
Even though this step may look a bit messier than we expected as we began it, we 
can have God’s approval and the Savior’s peace that we have done all we can to get 
our lives in order.

The opposite was usually true though.  Most of the time I was met with kindness and 
mercy.  I was prepared for what I felt I deserved: anger, hate, or unwillingness to 
forgive me.  Reaching out to those whom I had harmed first taught me to be a more 
gracious and willing forgiver.

Tackling the other list of those I needed to forgive came more easily after seeking 
forgiveness, but it still took time, too.  If there are people on your list that are difficult 
or may even seem impossible to forgive, you can pray for your heart to be softened 
towards them.  You can ask for God to help you to see them as He does. 

Remember, forgiveness isn’t all those other things.  You are simply seeking to 
release yourself from the enslavement of the negative feelings that have filled 
your heart and mind.  You don’t have to hold on to the resentment, anger, pain, 
or hate any more. 

In certain situations, I found writing a letter to be helpful.  Because I never gave 
it to the individuals, I could write it freely, or at other times, the writing helped me 
to forgive by bringing clarity first.  Get creative on what you need. 

As you pray, I know you will be blessed with the inspiration of what you need to do. 
Just like with the list, one by one, your Savior will help you work through it. He hasn’t 
failed you yet in any of these steps, so trust Him with this one too!

Even though I have written this in just one section, it may take the span of months 
at the least to decades to complete this step.  Just like all the other parts of our
journey, we can start and continue in this process for the rest of our lives. We can 
be carried to forgive, seek forgiveness, and do all we can to make restitution to those 
we have harmed and who have harmed us during our mortal journeys.

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