My Mental/Emotional Self Care Plan:
This first part is your maintenance plan is to prevent build up or emotions getting to boiling point in the first place. What can you do regularly (you decide what regularly needs to mean for you) that:
A. ...makes you feel all lit up inside? What are the activities that you enjoy, stir creativity, enliven you, and excite you? (Maybe it’s reading books, pottery, art, crafts, home improvements or decorating, listening or playing music, gardening, or just creating anything.) Like our discussions before, there is no “right” answer here. I need you to discover this for yourself. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
B. ...makes you feel rejuvenated and rested rather than “numbed out?” What are the things you can participate in on a regular basis that help you tune into yourself, feel relaxed, rejuvenated, and refreshed? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc
What are the things you tend to turn to that make you feel more numbed out, or disconnected from yourself or what you are feeling?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc
C. ...What will give you a mental and emotional release? What ways can you give yourself set-aside and predictable time to prevent mental or emotional “build up?” (Maybe it’s journaling, pillow talk with your spouse every night, or talking with a trusted friend or family member; maybe it’s just being with your spouse even if you don’t actually talk, having time to yourself, unplugged time away from devices, phones, or screens, or leaving work at work. Just like with all the other things we have looked at before, this list could be endless, so figure out what YOU need.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
What is your plan for when the big stuff hits? This second portion is 1. To give you a plan to help you self-regulate and de-escalate your emotions to prevent unwanted action/behaviors. 2. Have a plan to process through what happened so you can catch the message. It can then be addressed for the future at the root level. This is important because we all have times where we feel stressed, frustrated, angry, shameful, we are grieving, or any number or combination of big feelings. These most likely come at us unexpectedly. Rather than being something that completely derails us, it can simply be a bump. These life experiences cannot be avoided all the time. In moments of emotional intensity we are more likely to do thoughtless, hurtful, and stupid things than when our emotions are regulated. When we allow big emotions like these to go unchecked, it can wreak havoc for ourselves as well as those around us. Take a moment to jot down ahead of time what your plan will be. Having a plan organized ahead of time makes it more likely we can diffuse these emotions in ways that can prevent harmful actions and behaviors, but, as I will show you in a minute, can also help you discover the roots to prevent it from happening again in the future.
How can you help these feelings de-escalate before or even while you notice undesired actions/behaviors? Don’t underestimate the power of prayer here! Specifically, reach out to your Savior and seek to allow Him to "comfort [your] soul in Christ" (Alma 31:31, see also verses 31-38; John 14; D&C 102:19-20; Alma 17:10). When we are slammed with difficult circumstances beyond our control or we catch our emotions spiraling downward fast, we can reach Heavenward. God should always be in our plan---ideally the first place, but for most of us, that takes practice to remember that He is right there and eager to help us! As we are learning to abide in Christ, guess what? This is exactly the kind of stuff I was talking about! He already knows! He already knows what we are struggling with. Christ knows! So, take Him with you, and, like the branch, learn to open wide and allow His power, strength, and grace to flow through you. He will help you! Other things to consider may be a plan to be able to step away from the situation or the other person/people to calm down, sometimes even getting up and moving physically can help us snap out of it, or reaching out to a spouse or trusted friend or family member. Maybe you had something else come to mind. Write it down! _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
How can you process through afterward in healthy ways? If we are not careful to listen to ourselves and take the time to process through what happened, we will continue to cycle through the same patterns again and again. Taking this extra step to analyze the details is key to lasting change. Sometimes we catch the emotions right away and we are able to bounce back quickly enough that we are immediately ready to take this step. Sometimes the feelings are too big to do this back to back. Just getting calm or shifting emotions to something else takes more effort or time. Sometimes we need to come back and acknowledge our feelings at a better time simply because we don’t have what we need to process it yet (enough time, a trusted friend to process with, we are in the middle of something we can’t just drop, etc). We need to come back and pinpoint, at whatever time may be best, what the emotion was that we were experiencing in that moment of intensity. Was it anger? Was it loss or shame? What was it? Why was I feeling that? Sometimes taking that be still time each day either at the end of the day or the next day to write it out or to talk about it with a spouse or trusted friend can help us get at the roots. I hope the importance of taking time to do this will make more sense after the next few sections. What is your plan to allow yourself to process through whatever you were feeling? What is your plan to walk it backward from “Emotion,” to “Thoughts,” to “Belief,” to “Input,” and to “Event?” (I will show you what this means in just a moment)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
Would it be helpful to seek out professional help or something more than I already have? In addition to counselors or therapists, there are some really incredible tools and aids out there. Perhaps you could do some research to learn more about things like mindfulness exercises, meditation, yoga, essential oils, EMDR (Life-span Integration), Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy, and guided imagery, to name a few. Use the same patterns we spoke about in the physical self-care section to be your guide. If we recognize these extra aids for what they are---simply tools---we can find some really helpful and awesome supports to what we are trying to accomplish in learning to take care of ourselves. We must never forget, however, that they are simply things. They cannot take the place of prayer, church attendance, making and keeping covenants, or reading our scriptures. They also cannot do for us what only our Savior, and our Savior alone can do for us as we learn to draw upon His strength and love. Sometimes God works through means to reach us, help us, and bless us (Alma 37:6). Take a brave leap to try something new! Use reason, feelings, and experience and see what happens because of it. Albert Einstein is claimed to have said something like this, “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I believe that. What are you going to do to create different thinking? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
These things may seem simple, but remember to unroll your sleeping bag! Even though it will require effort, give it a try and see how much “warmer” you feel. Let’s head back to the other two components of action/behavior we haven’t examined yet. Next up is the Input level.
Next Section HERE
Previous Section HERE
This first part is your maintenance plan is to prevent build up or emotions getting to boiling point in the first place. What can you do regularly (you decide what regularly needs to mean for you) that:
A. ...makes you feel all lit up inside? What are the activities that you enjoy, stir creativity, enliven you, and excite you? (Maybe it’s reading books, pottery, art, crafts, home improvements or decorating, listening or playing music, gardening, or just creating anything.) Like our discussions before, there is no “right” answer here. I need you to discover this for yourself. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
B. ...makes you feel rejuvenated and rested rather than “numbed out?” What are the things you can participate in on a regular basis that help you tune into yourself, feel relaxed, rejuvenated, and refreshed? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc
What are the things you tend to turn to that make you feel more numbed out, or disconnected from yourself or what you are feeling?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc
C. ...What will give you a mental and emotional release? What ways can you give yourself set-aside and predictable time to prevent mental or emotional “build up?” (Maybe it’s journaling, pillow talk with your spouse every night, or talking with a trusted friend or family member; maybe it’s just being with your spouse even if you don’t actually talk, having time to yourself, unplugged time away from devices, phones, or screens, or leaving work at work. Just like with all the other things we have looked at before, this list could be endless, so figure out what YOU need.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
What is your plan for when the big stuff hits? This second portion is 1. To give you a plan to help you self-regulate and de-escalate your emotions to prevent unwanted action/behaviors. 2. Have a plan to process through what happened so you can catch the message. It can then be addressed for the future at the root level. This is important because we all have times where we feel stressed, frustrated, angry, shameful, we are grieving, or any number or combination of big feelings. These most likely come at us unexpectedly. Rather than being something that completely derails us, it can simply be a bump. These life experiences cannot be avoided all the time. In moments of emotional intensity we are more likely to do thoughtless, hurtful, and stupid things than when our emotions are regulated. When we allow big emotions like these to go unchecked, it can wreak havoc for ourselves as well as those around us. Take a moment to jot down ahead of time what your plan will be. Having a plan organized ahead of time makes it more likely we can diffuse these emotions in ways that can prevent harmful actions and behaviors, but, as I will show you in a minute, can also help you discover the roots to prevent it from happening again in the future.
How can you help these feelings de-escalate before or even while you notice undesired actions/behaviors? Don’t underestimate the power of prayer here! Specifically, reach out to your Savior and seek to allow Him to "comfort [your] soul in Christ" (Alma 31:31, see also verses 31-38; John 14; D&C 102:19-20; Alma 17:10). When we are slammed with difficult circumstances beyond our control or we catch our emotions spiraling downward fast, we can reach Heavenward. God should always be in our plan---ideally the first place, but for most of us, that takes practice to remember that He is right there and eager to help us! As we are learning to abide in Christ, guess what? This is exactly the kind of stuff I was talking about! He already knows! He already knows what we are struggling with. Christ knows! So, take Him with you, and, like the branch, learn to open wide and allow His power, strength, and grace to flow through you. He will help you! Other things to consider may be a plan to be able to step away from the situation or the other person/people to calm down, sometimes even getting up and moving physically can help us snap out of it, or reaching out to a spouse or trusted friend or family member. Maybe you had something else come to mind. Write it down! _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
How can you process through afterward in healthy ways? If we are not careful to listen to ourselves and take the time to process through what happened, we will continue to cycle through the same patterns again and again. Taking this extra step to analyze the details is key to lasting change. Sometimes we catch the emotions right away and we are able to bounce back quickly enough that we are immediately ready to take this step. Sometimes the feelings are too big to do this back to back. Just getting calm or shifting emotions to something else takes more effort or time. Sometimes we need to come back and acknowledge our feelings at a better time simply because we don’t have what we need to process it yet (enough time, a trusted friend to process with, we are in the middle of something we can’t just drop, etc). We need to come back and pinpoint, at whatever time may be best, what the emotion was that we were experiencing in that moment of intensity. Was it anger? Was it loss or shame? What was it? Why was I feeling that? Sometimes taking that be still time each day either at the end of the day or the next day to write it out or to talk about it with a spouse or trusted friend can help us get at the roots. I hope the importance of taking time to do this will make more sense after the next few sections. What is your plan to allow yourself to process through whatever you were feeling? What is your plan to walk it backward from “Emotion,” to “Thoughts,” to “Belief,” to “Input,” and to “Event?” (I will show you what this means in just a moment)________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
Would it be helpful to seek out professional help or something more than I already have? In addition to counselors or therapists, there are some really incredible tools and aids out there. Perhaps you could do some research to learn more about things like mindfulness exercises, meditation, yoga, essential oils, EMDR (Life-span Integration), Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy, and guided imagery, to name a few. Use the same patterns we spoke about in the physical self-care section to be your guide. If we recognize these extra aids for what they are---simply tools---we can find some really helpful and awesome supports to what we are trying to accomplish in learning to take care of ourselves. We must never forget, however, that they are simply things. They cannot take the place of prayer, church attendance, making and keeping covenants, or reading our scriptures. They also cannot do for us what only our Savior, and our Savior alone can do for us as we learn to draw upon His strength and love. Sometimes God works through means to reach us, help us, and bless us (Alma 37:6). Take a brave leap to try something new! Use reason, feelings, and experience and see what happens because of it. Albert Einstein is claimed to have said something like this, “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I believe that. What are you going to do to create different thinking? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________etc.
These things may seem simple, but remember to unroll your sleeping bag! Even though it will require effort, give it a try and see how much “warmer” you feel. Let’s head back to the other two components of action/behavior we haven’t examined yet. Next up is the Input level.
Next Section HERE
Previous Section HERE
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