2020 in Review: Grace Wins

 

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone I'm aware of in one way or another!!! We've all be stretched, and for many of us, in ways that were unanticipated. So many losses being grieved this year. So much chaos and noise. So much contention and division. So much information to be processed.

My family and I have experienced this in our own ways, too....yet 2020 has also been a giant blessing for us! It has opened up beautiful opportunities to slow down, rest, recenter, and rethink our lives and routines! There are so many parts from this year that we hope to always hold onto. We hope parts of life will NEVER go back to how they were before 2020.

 

 

First and foremost, I've been privileged to continue as a full-time homeschooling mom. These incredible kiddos have had more of my time and attention than anyone/thing else this year (as they should!) We spent as much time outside as possible as a family or just the kids and I. We switched to a program called My Tech High starting this fall, and we are loving it! All I've ever wanted is to be a wife and mom.  I had a beautiful moment of realization in the ways God has answered that longing through ways I never saw coming. I wrote about it on my social media accounts (HERE). I'm thankful to get to practice staying present again and again throughout each day. I'm thankful for the rough edges being smoothed away in me day after day with spending most of my time as a wife, mom, and homemaker...LIVING what I know in "every day mundane moments." I made THIS clip for our local missionaries to share about what I mean by these discoveries.

Mark and I began taking careful and intentional steps towards another pregnancy starting early last summer (2019). There was so much soul searching, pondering, praying, and action involved where my wonderful body doesn't have a great track record with healthy pregnancies. One step at a time, God led us to all the right people within our expanding communities, or as we yogis call it, "sangha." So many wonderful people had a piece or two of our puzzle, and we were literally carried through the last leg of this process. Little by little things began to fill in and become increasingly clear...until we hit a point that Mark and I both knew we could take that very last leap of faith to say yes to another pregnancy. I had some BIG things coming up in March, so we decided to aim for April to conceive. It felt like the right time for our family because everything outside our home would be wrapped up by then. I could hunker down and focus on my body, our baby, and our family again without any outside interruptions.

To our surprise, we were contacted at the end of last year by an expectant mom (Dec 2019). She is a beautiful woman of color and was expecting a baby girl in the spring. She isn't in a situation to be able to parent her baby. As Mark and I did the detective work we've learned is critical after someone reaching out to us like that (to verify if she was an "adoption scammer" or really an expectant mom), we were able to conclude that she really was who she said she is. Now what?!...was this a "ram in the thicket?" We had shown God that we were willing and literally on the verge of doing this very, very hard thing He was asking of us. Was this Him providing another way? Had we already passed the test simply by our hearts and action-steps we had taken up to that point?

 I was scheduled to start the year in Miami. Anticipating my upcoming pregnancy and also feeling called to create a trauma-sensitive yoga therapy course for pregnant Christian mamma's in the aftermath of sexual trauma, I had made all the arrangements to attend an 85 hour immersion week to begin the process of becoming a certified prenatal yoga instructor. My wonderful friend, Megan, continued to make trades with me so that our kids could spent half days at her home that week. Mark worked early those days, worked from home those mornings, then went into the office in the afternoons when the kids were at Megan's.

I joined with over 50 other women who had traveled from literally all over the world to be there that week. I have never been surrounded by so many women all radiating pure "Adi Shakti," or Divine Feminine. Every single one of these incredible women live intentionally. I didn't meet a single woman who believes exactly as I do as far as God, faith, Jesus Christ, etc., yet each woman I met is on a spiritual path, and she knows it. <3 It was simply a breathtaking week! I started the week with my heart a little wobbly not knowing if the communication with the expectant mom would be blossoming into an adoption opportunity or if I would be carrying my own little one in the coming months. I left Miami with peace and reassurance that all would be well. Our family wasn't complete yet, and Mark and I had turned over all control to God for how this child was to join us.

We continued to communicate with each other, but within less than a month of returning home from Miami, the expectant mom let us know she had chosen another family to adopt her baby. As I summarize this crazy journey in only the matter of sentences or even paragraphs, it's difficult to express the yo-yo-ing that had been going on with my heart not only over the years, but also within a matter of weeks and months. Get pregnant...don't...adopt...don't...get pregnant again...maybe adopt again...just kidding...:D But because Mark and I knew what needed to be done, it wasn't as much of a blow to us. We simply continued to prepare our home, our family, and my body as much as we possibly could for our upcoming pregnancy.

I had never been busier in my entire life than I was in January, February, and the first part of March of this year! Full time homeschooling, teaching 3 kid's yoga classes and 2 adult classes, QNRT clients every weekend, Mark with multiple work trips out of town, preparing for a training week in NM for SuperHealth, flying home a day early from training in order to present at UCAP, staying up late/getting up early in order to have a quiet enough house/in order to be as non-invasive to my family as possible while I recorded and edited the clips for yoga therapy courses for my online school...which I hoped to have a big launch for at UCAP...launching the school was our maternity-leave plan (We anticipated I wouldn't be teaching live classes after April)...and we were also making final preparations for our Stake Relief Society activity at the end of February.

IT WAS NUTS, NUTS, NUTS...but the interesting thing to me about those few months was how right it all felt (because saying yes to so many things at once WAS right for me at that time). This combination of intensity wore me down in ways that nothing else could. <3 Although I was already heavily relying on God through toggling back and forth between so many roles and responsibilities, it was like inviting my students to find the places they are still holding themselves up while in child's pose. With such a simple invitation to notice and soften, I visually see them melt into the ground...shoulders, arms, chest. Sometimes we are still holding ourselves up, yet we don't even see it.

To our great surprise, the Spirit whispered to us as we flipped the calendar over to March that April wasn't actually right to welcome our baby. How in the world were we going to make it through the next 31 days with everything already set in motion and conceive in March? ...Mark's business trips out of town, my trip to NM, everything that needed to be done to be ready for UCAP? But the peace persisted, and so we acted in faith and jumped.

Just as I had the first signs of pregnancy, COVID hit hard. One by one, Mark's work trips were canceled, and he started working from home. UCAP was put on hold. SuperHealth was paused. Even our normal routine things such as our weekly homeschooling co-op group, church youth activities and meetings, or extra curricular activities for the kids were all wiped away from the calendar. And the entire world seemed to stop. Suddenly, I had all the time I needed to eat well and sleep and rest as much as my body, my mind, and my growing baby needed. Space was miraculous cleared for my spirit to soak in the wonder of all that had just happened.

As I wrote previously, I didn't carry our little one for long, yet the lessons learned and all the previous life experiences building up to this point were not lost on me. There is so much that I cannot share about these deeply private, intimate, and stretching moments, but I can say that God only blesses. <3 My greatest heartaches have truly turned out to be my greatest blessings. <3 <3 <3

Within weeks of our miscarriage, the need for masks and with my service in our church congregation warranted me to move forward as best as I could. It was such a tender mercy for me to be pulled into helping to fulfill local needs! It gave me the opportunity to process and grieve in steps rather than being avalanched all at once as often as I would have if life had remained in that place of stillness. It filled my time in ways that prevented much room for "doomsday scrolling." :D And it opened the windows of heaven for my family and I to be blessed for our efforts.

Initially, we were called on as Relief Society sisters to help find elastic for masks for our community. There was a world-wide shortage of elastic, and there were no supplies left locally. As we sent the word out, sisters responded by looking through their sewing stashes and sharing. Bit by bit, we were having enough delivered to complete a few masks at a time. Then one day I received a picture and a text from a woman I had never met before. "Is this what you are looking for?" She asked? And a giant spool of the exact elastic we needed was in the accompanying picture. It was enough to make about 1000 masks! Believe it or not, she shared a second spool with us a few days later. She shared with me that she doesn't even sew; however, she followed the prompting to drive out to her storage bay, a distance away from her home, and she discovered the elastic...then a second spool a few days later.

Things like that happened over and over again this spring/summer. I'd receive a text from someone saying they would love to help sew masks; however, they didn't have supplies...only to receive another text within minutes from another woman saying she had a bunch of fabric but was too busy to sew that week. I marveled as I witnessed again and again how God can work with resources that are limited. He is never limited!!! He simply criss-crosses our paths so that, together, what needs to be done can be accomplished. I learned about Saibung. I learned about Dharma. I learned about grace and trust and how to allow God to be the Source of joy, peace, and abundance.

Cotton fabric masks eventually turned into supporting efforts to sew medical-grade masks. Thousands  of completed Project Protect masks would line our porch every week as we became a drop off point to help distribute supplies and a pick up location for finished masks as part of the Northern Utah distance team. Click if you would like to see a video clip sharing more details about this incredible effort to provide medical-grade masks for health care workers during the mask shortages.

My family and I, along with so many wonderful, wonderful people in the Northern Utah area, gave hours and hours of our spring and summer to the mask efforts. I can't sew; however, I CAN make phone calls and send emails and texts. I can be a "porch host" for those who can sew yet need supplies or to be spared the distance of driving in order to participate in our closest Project Protect location, and I can measure and cut out and/or deliver supplies. I can pick up finished masks from those who are sewing to save their time. So that's what our family did, again, along with soooo many others in our community and surrounding communities.

I cannot express the wonder of watching people come together! I cannot tell you how many dear women sacrificed not only in Brigham City, but also as far north as Rexburg, Idaho, in order to give of their time and talents to help fill this need. I learned so much about myself, about leadership, about service, and about the ways God works through these months of mask miracles. <3

Just as we thought our participation in masks was behind us and had started our school year (we LOVE to start in July when we can), we heard that our local school district was in need of masks. We did what we could. Once again, I was immensely blessed by the examples and sacrifices of so many wonderful women who also did what they could. With our combined effrots, I was able to deliver 1000 fabric masks to our school district on behalf of all involved.


 

God works in amazing ways...I've started to really grasp that this year. The principal of a local elementary school had referred me to the school district once her school's mask needs were met. I followed a "crazy" prompting to speak up about being a certified Karma Kids Yoga Instructor with additional training in yoga therapy for kids who have been through trauma. I offered to volunteer my time and maybe provide an assembly or spent a little time in the classrooms to help support the teachers and children with the upcoming school year. She took that thought and ran with it in ways I wasn't expecting.

She was able to help secure a grant for me to come teach a weekly class as part of the afterschool program. <3 I also get to teach a weekly class to the teachers! I've been hired not only as part stress reduction efforts, but also to help instill in them increased awareness of how to support their students, many of which deal with high levels of trauma. I LOVE that I can be back teaching kids yoga again, and in ways that my family and I can say yet to! I've missed it!!!

I had been teaching kids yoga at the beginning of the year at a children's therapist office. It was seriously a dream where the therapist was so supportive of my work!!! ...yet things hadn't worked out as smoothly with our schedules at home as we had anticipated they would. Mark was trying to get off work as early as he committed to each week. He was going in hours early once a week with the expectation he would be coming home hours early to be with our kids while I was teaching. I had a 40 minute commute, and I was teaching 3 classes in a row. Another way God works in amazing ways: I spoke up that it wasn't working for our family. That kids were able to have a formal "last week" of yoga class...and then COVID hit, and we would have needed to pause classes any way. It always works out! <3

Other highlights to share from this year:

I decided to begin the path of becoming a yoga teacher trainer! I look forward to the possibility of being a supportive teacher during trainings as soon as 2022. In the coming years, I anticipate becoming a lead trainer so that I can create and teach my own 200 hour YTT program which students will become certified instructors (through Yoga Alliance). I will blend my Christian faith in God and Christ with yoga. I hope to weave in the yoga specialties I'm trained and certified in (kids, prenatal, trauma-sensitive, addiction recovery, yin, etc.) And so in order to do that, I will need to make the curriculum I feel most excited about teaching.

This year, I was able to complete the classroom hours for 3/5 of the required courses in order to become a trainer. These courses opened me up in ways I was not anticipating! Massive shifts!!! <3 <3 <3 Each course is followed by a 90-day period where we follow-up in our small groups, complete the exam, meditate daily, journal and complete a lifestyle project. I've completely certified in 2 of the courses so far, and I'm in the 90-day period of the 3rd. These courses are inviting me to go deeper within myself. I'm so grateful for the shaping!!!

SuperHealth DID end up happening! It moved from NM in March to Zoom this autumn. SuperHealth combines yoga, meditation, and diet with psychology to support addiction recovery for all types of substance and behavioral addictions. I learned and experienced soooo much!!! In total this year, I am wrapping up just under 400 hours of YTT's. All except my week in Miami, the others have been 100% online. One unexpected blessing from 2020 is the allowance for YTT's to be taught online (for the first time ever!). It's been a blessing to save on travel time and expenses, and to be more available to my family on training weeks/weekends than I otherwise could be had I been traveling for them.

UCAP hasn't happened; however, I took what I would have presented (and then some). I turned it into a FREE pre-recorded workshop. Click picture to go to details:

 

 

I've made progress on the school of pre-recorded yoga therapy classes and courses...although not at the rate I had expected I would at the beginning of 2020. <3 Some courses are completed. Others are  partially finished...while others are yet to even be listed on the school instead of only in my head and heart. You can check out what is available at this time HERE

I started a series on my Youtube Channel called "Yoga Off the Mat." These are 3-5 minute clips encouraging you to take yoga off the mat and into daily living. Click picture to check out the playlist: 

You can also meditate with me for FREE over on my Youtube channel. I expect to add more mediations as well as a few full-length yoga movement classes to this playlist soon. Click on picture to go to the playlist: 

We were able to follow COVID precaution guidelines and still hold a women's "Beyond Breath" Group this autumn! We also held women's and men's "Beyond Breath" groups at the beginning of the year (that, like so many things these days, was moved to Zoom partway through the course). World-conditions pending, I anticipate holding at least one (or maybe more) "Beyond Breath" groups next year. Sariah has asked that I only teach this course live-in person, so my options have been more limited this year to safely make that possible.

But I do have other live yoga therapy groups on my 2021 calendar. For the foreseeable future, I will be teaching live via Zoom. Our 50-hour Yoga Teacher Apprenticeship group starts next week, and I will be putting up dates for the next dates for another "Grounded" group soon. You can check my live teaching schedule out HERE

I don't know what the new year will bring, yet I am committed to going deeper---deeper within my own body, mind, and spirit. I am committed to holding space for my students and clients from that place of vastness, truth, and love. I am committed to keep reflecting from my heart the hope, light, and healing only Jesus Christ can bring.  Thanks for being part of my 2020 adventures!

 
I love you!

~Katy/Siri Dharma