Illusions

For the first time in my life I am dreaming every night. I haven't experienced that before and it is a bit weird to adjust to. I can't always remember immediately what was reality and what was experienced in the dream realm because it is still such a new experience for me. I learned in my yoga teacher training course that dreams are associated with the 6th chakra of being able to see. It's a different kind of seeing than I expected, though. It's about seeing oneself clearly, not the world around me like I originally thought.

One weekend we learned about the Yamas. We not only learned them, but experienced them. That is another post for another day; however, as we worked with Asteya, or non-stealing, it shifted something deep inside of me. We learned that although there are the obvious forms of stealing such as maybe robbing a bank or taking other things that don't belong to us, there is more to Asteya than what we might absorb at first-glance. We can steal away other's time. We can steal away opportunities for others to learn and grow. We can even steal from ourselves by robbing years off our lives later in order to satisfy short-term demands. At the heart of stealing is the perception of scarcity; we don't believe we have or are enough. As we learn to bestow dignity upon ourselves and those within our power of influence, we can find the abundance necessary to practice Asteya. In Christ-centered terms, as we allow for more of His grace to flood into our lives, we will finally see that we have everything that we need right now in this very moment. Again, another post for another day; however, as I journaled my answer to the following question, it blasted through a block that I have been chipping away at for years.

"How do you bestow dignity on upon yourself?"

With deep introspection and through my tears I penned this answer:

"I don't think I do this if I'm honest with myself. I am still waiting (or even reaching) to be more qualified, more knowledgeable, etc. I think that's why my calling as stake Relief Society president was so difficult to accept. But the truth is that ***I am truly enough*** right now as I am to be able to make an impact on others' lives, to help them heal, and to speak truth (even though/while fully acknowledging that there will always be more for me to do, learn, and be). The difference between dignity vs. not isn't the outcome. The outcome is the same---I will be learning and growing...expanding and increasing in light an truth until the day I die and then past it too. The difference is how the process feels as I allow for dignity...ABUNDANCE...in this moment and from moment to moment regardless of the task at hand or the circumstances surrounding it. That opens up the path to flow freely. I simply flow around any perceived blocks as my journey gently unfolds."

And that night is when I started to dream. It was freeing up the residue in my 2nd chakra which is connected to the 6th chakra that did the trick. I have been dancing around this for years, but this experience was the one that finally cracked open this dark place. For the first time, I began to truly see myself and to not only know, but to also feel that I am enough. I have enough and I finally know and feel that with every cell in my body. That is also another post for another time, but this moment of truth and finally dispelling the guilt and the lies associated with it cleared away the illusion. I could finally see myself: perfect in my imperfection. I am exactly who God needs---not later down the road after more growth and refinement, but RIGHT. NOW.

Since that day I have been blessed with other opportunities and experiences to begin to remove the debris of this ingrained view of myself. It truly is such a breath-taking journey to continually discover that there is more...that we are never finished and that we can always go deeper and uncover details we never had eyes to see before. Rather than allowing these lies to continue to hold me back, I can stand up like never before and do what I was born to do. I can shine brightly and allow for my Savior to flow through me like I have never had the courage to fully do in the past. I will rise to my full height without fear of not being or having enough to do so because the truth is that I have everything that I need. THIS is who I am... not the illusions that I have believed for so long. <3