I knew during my last pregnancy that I was carrying twins. When I began this pregnancy, I was just sure there were two again.
At our first ultrasound at 7 weeks, we only saw one baby. I found it very interesting that he was snuggled up into the corner of the uterus. There is a whole big uterus and he was in the corner?!
2 weeks later our doctor offered for a quick peek for reassurance where we had lost so many babies during the first trimester. Our baby had a heart beat, so the ultrasound was pretty quick. He was still snuggled up along the side.
Two days later I felt a small gush and had a large gush of bright red bleeding in the toilet. Where I was just into the 13th week of the pregnancy, I assumed I was miscarrying. I knew I hadn't passed a 13 week sized baby, so I moved into the bath tub anticipating the baby to come. He didn't and I had no further bleeding. I wrote a bit HERE.
After an ultrasound the next morning, my heart leaped to see our baby and his heart still beating strongly. We assumed it was that part of the placenta had pulled away. I really felt like he wasn't going to be our baby to keep. I turned my will over and waited patiently to see how things would unfold. After a few months of too much active bleeding to see clearly how much of the placenta had pulled away, we were able to see things more clearly. The placenta had formed normally as well as an additional piece called an accessory lobe. It appeared it was only the accesory lobe that had pulled away. We were given the happy news that our baby had a fully functioning placenta.
A few months later as I was exploring my options for homebirth (more in a separate post), I sent info to a midwife in our area. When she heard about the situation with the current pregnancy, she mentioned that it may actually have been the loss of a twin. I had never heard that and did a bit of researching on it. It felt true to my heart. I tucked it away, knowing that the only possible way to get any idea if it was true would be to wait and see the placenta at birth. Even then I did not expect to see the compelling evidence that we received after Shipton's birth.
We were expecting one large placenta attached to a smaller piece of placenta (the accesory lobe). There were two equally sized placentas, each just slightly smaller than the normal size for one baby. The cord ran in the very center of the two. When the midwife saw it, she said that Shipton was an identical twin. As we examined the placenta, there was no calcification like we with Gavin and Leland after birth (they had placental abruptions).
I had been discouraged that we had a placental abruption where we had felt so strongly that we had gotten to the bottom of everything.
Maybe we did get to the bottom of the abruptions.
I was also surprised by the strong feelings of grief, sadness, and loss I experienced for a few months after the bleeding that night.
Subconsciously I knew...
and I was grieving for my baby.
That night when we thought the placenta pulled away is when I think we lost Shipton's twin. I feel like he was already gone earlier on and I passed him that night.
In discussing it with Mark afterward, I was reminded of something he said in the blessing the day after the bleeding. He talked about how I may not understand why the bleeding had happened in this life, but He invited me to study it out. He quoted D&C 4: 7: "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
I had studied it out and knew in my heart the truth.
Saturday I was able to see with my eyes what I already knew.