Monday, January 15, 2018

I still get in the way...


Sometimes I fall for the illusion that enlightenment is the goal, but I am learning that there is always room to grow.  It's not a destination, but rather a becoming that we must seek for.  Even though the challenges may be different at new levels of spiritual development or higher levels of consciousness, there are still potential pitfalls.  Just when we think we "have it," Christ peels back the next curtain and shows us there is still more---rough edges still needing to be polished, chambers of the heart holding yet unseen desires for the things that ties us to this world, and, fortunately, deeper dimensions of His love.

It has been challenging to have the desire to do good burning inside of me!  I didn't initially see it as a challenge, but I have begun to see the flip side to it. I have felt so called to take a stand in the past 6 months, yet easily frustrated when things haven't happened how or in the timelines I was expecting.  Then I read this in M. Catherine Thomas's powerful book called, The Godseed: "Always on the alert for the purity of a desire, we should note in passing that it is possible to want even good things too much, and then the wantings become ego-desire" (page 178, emphasis added).  Ouch!  She then goes on to explain how desire can be a defilement!?...  Healing from betrayal trauma required me to also own my own "stuff" and not just Mark. It led me to the discovery of the connection between desire and addiction. Although I wasn't turning to the same things as my husband was when he experienced the reminders of spiritual death, I too was turning to things/people/emotions in order to feel better when I felt powerless, anxious, sad, angry...but I hadn't personally considered the implication of righteous desires becoming a defilement as well until Thomas's book.  And as if that hadn't already hit uncomfortably close to home, she next launched into a section on "Aversion."  When we intensely desire something and those desires turn into ego (or self) driven, we run up against aversion, or not liking the way things, people, or circumstance are.  Double ouch!  I have been wanting to do good, yet only on my terms.  Instead of desire or aversion, Thomas says, "There is a resting place, a refuge from eh toxic energy of defilements.  There are energies that we can deliberately cultivate in our being that bring us peace and wisdom.  Among these are contentment, generosity, and humility.  These energies form a still point between desire and aversion.  These still points are worthy of our meditation time; we can feel their energy and stabilize in them" (183).

So, there it was, staring up at me from the page.  With honesty and humility, I can recognize the urgency and even aggression with which I have tackled the past 6 months.  As the manuscript for my book came together so quickly and relatively easily, I expected the rest of this journey to follow suit. And it isn't just with my desires to do good with betrayal trauma.  This same pattern has shown up in my righteous desire to welcome more children into my home, raise my children in righteousness, in friendships and relationships...once I spotted it, I can see it showing up everywhere. I am learning to slow down even more, to re-visit my intentions, to accept what is (or isn't), and let God lead.

As I have stepped more into this still point, interesting and unexpected (to me) things have happened.  I can't talk about everything just yet, but I can share two of them right now. First, is my opportunity to go through another yoga teacher training program.  I was planning to go to Atlanta in January to start training for QNRT (Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy---a protocol that releases trauma by resetting the nervous system).  I was feeling frustrated, confused, and discouraged because things weren't coming together like they "should" be.  Mark and I were planning on the Kundalini Yoga teacher training program in SLC this fall because even though I went through a teacher training program already 4 years ago, it wasn't one that certified me. However, God had different plans. Instead, I just started a teacher training program, and it is a completely different style of yoga than I have ever taught or experienced myself regularly before.  The change in timing (now instead of the fall) itself may have significance that I don't fully recognize yet. I can at least see a hint of the "why," though;  It is with an instructor who has the best experience, background, and teaching skills for betrayal trauma in a yoga context in my area!  It will be 200 hours of training spaced out over the next 8 months.  I will continue to offer Kundalini Yoga classes and additionally offer Hatha Yoga classes this fall.  QNRT opened up additional dates, so I am still hoping that it will be possible to become a practitioner. I need to wait and see, though. I never dreamed such an opportunity was possible, yet here it is and God orchestrated all of the steps to get me here!  I'm so glad that things work out His way instead of mine!!!

Second, I will start teaching kids yoga this week out of a children's gym here in Brigham City!  There will be classes for kids age 3-4, 5-7, and 8-11 (see the side-bar if you are interested in details or registering).<3  This is seriously my dream job!!!  I love kids and I love teaching yoga!  I wasn't even looking for this job; I didn't apply for it either, but I got an interview lined up when I called upon a friend's referral (then was actually offered the position during the interview).  I want to eventually offer trauma-informed yoga for kids, since families need to heal from the effect of sex addiction.  I expected that would be years down the road.  Nope.  It's kids yoga now and what a HUGE step in the direction of trauma-informed yoga for kids!  The gym is seriously 2 min or less from my home.  It's only 5, 45 minutes classes a week, and Mark can flex his schedule around me to work from home during my class times.  PLUS the gym and employee's philosophies about children and the fact that they are starting yoga because they want to offer more than just physical exercise opportunities for kids.  They wanted something that would instill mindfulness and self awareness.  When they said that in the interview it had me jumping up and down!  Just like the teacher training, I never dreamed such a perfect fit was even possible.  But here it is.  And I feel incredibly humbled and blessed!

Things are not happening how or when I expected they would when I first set out on this journey.  It's okay now. I still have no idea what will happen with the book I wrote.  Even though I have had 2 rejections from publishers, the refining process of me has definitely been a huge part of this experience. Maybe that is the sole purpose of it...? I'm learning to be okay with what is (or isn't) happening when it does (or doesn't) happen and simply flow around the "road blocks." More accurately, I am being given experiences to have my thinking shifted...to gain new insight...to become a different person in relation to desires, even righteous one...to be okay with what is rather than desiring something different or turning away in aversion.

Friday, January 12, 2018

Jealous of My Friend, the Widow-



This powerful piece is written by a brave guest Author:  #Myhusbandisaddictedtopornography. Please contact me at willis.katy@gmail.com or through social media if you would ever like to guest post, even if you need complete anonymity in order for your voice to be heard. I would like it to be as "tasteful" as possible; however, I don't believe we do anybody a favor by assuming that means we must omit the rawness or realness of betrayal trauma (so I am looking for something more in the "middle." Freely expressed; however, focusing as much as possible on the solutions.) XOXO ~Katy
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Jealous of My Friend, the Widow-

At 4 am a few months ago, I sat on the edge of my bathtub scrolling through Facebook, hoping to not have to think about my own worries for a few moments. As was often the case, sleep had failed me. Grief hit quickly, however, when I came across a post for an obituary for my dear friend’s husband. I ached, cried, and prayed for her, but there was something else. Something that I couldn’t quite figure out for a few minutes, but finally recognized. Plain and simple, I was jealous. I let this realization roominate for a while, but when I truly grasped that I was jealous of my friend, who recently found herself to be a widow, my grieving turned to myself. Laying on my bathroom floor with torrential tears of anguish, I ached for what I had wanted all my life, a marriage that would last into the next life. I was already experiencing trauma from discovering that my husband had been viewing pornography… again… for the past year and a half, and this realization seemed overwhelming. To the best of my knowledge, my friend’s husband had always been faithful to her. He had fulfilled important church responsibilities, been a good provider, and she was treated with kindness. Yes, she suffered a tremendous loss, but to me, she had gained the gold mine, the piece de resistance, even an eternal reward in her husband’s arms. Her marriage seemed like a sure bet, where as the eternal state of my marriage is questionable.

BRIEF HISTORY

My husband has been addicted to pornography since he was about 10. I found out 9 months into our marriage, and had no idea how deep the roots of addiction were for him. When I first found pornography on the computer, I said something like, “I forgive you. Go talk to the Bishop, and don’t do it again.” But he did do it again. If he had slipped for an episode, then quickly repented, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but that was almost never the case. We would go years where things just weren’t right. Frequent and unexplained raging anger over tiny things, mixed with an inability to connect with him were filled with loneliness and discouragement. Once or twice he white knuckled it through a couple years of sobriety, but when things got rough, pornography was what he turned to. It would typically take years before I found out. Therapy had been helpful for a short time, but when I couldn’t hide the pain his addiction caused me, shame reared his ugly head. My husband stopped talking with me about anything uncomfortable. With one fell swoop, he cut the ties that bridged our communication about anything that might cause him more shame.

PRAYING FOR HIM TO BE ADDICTED

A few months ago things got bad. Really bad. My husband fell into a bad depression and simply wouldn’t get a job. His anger was so out of control that my children and I were afraid. Although he never physically hurt any of us, I was beginning to fear that he might resort to that someday soon. Things weren’t right, and I knew the signs, so I asked the hard questions. He was well practiced though and looked me in the eye on many occasions as he calmly promised that he wasn’t viewing pornography. Even still, I wondered. I remember a particular prayer that went something like this, “Heavenly Father, things are really hard right now, and I don’t have any answers. This might be wrong, but part of me wishes that he was suffering from addiction. If he was struggling with addiction then I could encourage him to go to counseling, Addiction Recovery Meetings, and we could access other resources. Right now I have no answers and no direction.“ About a week later as I was praying, I was prompted to look on my husband’s computer. My husband saw me looking, but wasn’t worried; Likely because he assumed that he had deleted everything related to his secret, but the Holy Ghost knew better, and now, so did I.

TRAUMA

All previous times of discovery, I had handled things pretty well, but this... this was different. It was as if the panicked thought, “I can’t do this again,” kept repeating itself over and over in my mind. I couldn’t seem to do normal, daily activities, like laundry or cooking, and I was struggling in a severe way. Questions like, “Has he been unfaithful with someone,” “Could I have an STD,” and the painful thought, “I’m not even his type,” brought terror to me. His dishonesty brought fear and worry to me at a level that I had not experienced before. I recognized that our marriage, in its current state, was not one made for eternity. I didn’t know everything, but I knew one thing: Either he would have to really change this time, or I would have to leave.

TIME WILL TELL

Our story is too fresh to guess the ending, but I am glad to say that my husband has successfully completed one program for his pornography addiction, is going through Lifestar with me, and has been faithfully attending the 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program. (Side note: I have been attending the meeting for spouses and love it.) I wish that I could give you a glowing report, but the fact is, I don’t know. I do, however, have hope. As long as hope glimmers on the horizon, I will gladly walk towards it, even if I have to walk through knee-deep mud that slows my progress. On the other hand, the knee deep mud is what has made me plead with Heavenly Father in frequent, mighty prayer on so many occasions that I have come to know my Savior. I can even praise Him for this trial. No, I don’t want my husband to have an addiction, but for what I have gained I am truly thankful. I’ll save that story for another day though.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE (for the spouse)

In the meantime, if your spouse is suffering with some sort of sex addiction, know that you are not alone. Know that there are resources. Know that you can come out of this stronger and happier. Sometimes we need help to heal. I will write more on healing another time, so stay tuned to Katy’s blog.

ADVICE FOR THE ADDICTED

If you are struggling with addiction, can I give you piece of advice? Tell your spouse. Be gentle, and perhaps consider disclosing it to them with a bishop or therapist, but don’t make your spouse find out like I did. Don’t make your spouse feel traumatized and fearful of things that they don’t know because you have been less than honest. Yes, it will be difficult, but love them enough to not live a secret life that will make them feel like they are crazy. Love them enough to care about their healing. Give them hope for their eternity, and don’t make them jealous of a widow. Contrary to what you might think, your spouse is suffering. Even if they don’t know that you are struggling with addiction, they likely feel that something is not right. Resources are improving for you, and you can gain the courage to access them. You hold the key to their recovery. Well, you and the Savior, of course.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Love Bade Me Welcome


In this beautiful poem, "Love" is Christ.  M. Catherine Thomas says, "It is better not to do this inner work with guilt and self-recrimination, but rather with fearless trust, within the embrace of the Lord, who picks us up, dusts us off, and whispered, 'We have work to do.  Let's get on with it'" (The Godseed, 217, emphasis added).

I have been this intended guest.  I drew back because I felt unworthy.  I didn't believe I was worthy.  After excavating down to find my dark and deeply wounded side, how could I possibly step past the doorway? I would muddy His home! But Christ intends for us to be His guests.  I am reminded of the prodigal son.  I made the long journey back because I hoped that I could offer servitude to Him, yet He wants us as more than servants!  I couldn't believe that was possible after all the ways my soul had been marred and having discovered the monster within myself.  So I stood on the edge of His presence, yearning to step forward.  We are to become a child of Christ!  He is our advocate and mediator; we access God through Him! It was me holding myself back.

He intends for us to work through the mess that has become our lives---the harmful things we have done, our sins, the ways others have sinned against us, the pain, the false perception of limited resources, the energy of scarcity and contraction, the ways we serve our favorite idols, ALL OF IT...He wants all of our heart. I knew that I needed to somehow clean up that mess, but one of the most astonishing things I have learned is that He does not intend for me to be chipping away at this massive ugliness alone and out in the cold.  Instead, He has extended an invitation to tackle it with me while I bask in His love.  Isn't that incredible!!!?  He wants us to sit down and feast with Him!  He is well aware of our "dust and sin."  I finally realized that no matter how or what I tried, I cannot remove the stains.  I cannot change myself.  It took a thousand moments of being exposed to the Truth---not manufactured, watered-down "truth,"---to even dare to hope that it is His radical love that automatically changes me.  It is the Love that washes away the dust and sin and melts away all of the dross; my unrighteous desires and appetites fade away.  He works from within me as I give Him my heart. Truly it is His love that changes us and makes us more fit for His kingdom.  And He is so full of it that He literally is Love!

I have recently been experiencing another dimension to this Love that is so breath-taking.  As He has cleared away more and more of the clutter and the junk from my heart, it has allowed His love to fill the spaces that were once reserved for other favorite loves: darkness, hate, malice, resentment, grudges, pride, idleness, love of self, the need to defend... As this Love gradually distills into my heart, I am learning that it is not possible for this Love to be contained within only one heart.  It never was intended to be that way!  It spills over and flows into other thirsty, searching, and hurting hearts "...as we, out of pure love, serve others for Him" (Henry B. Erying). We can become more like our Savior by seeking to bring others into Love from out in the cold.  We can become instruments for others to experience Love, especially in their darkest hours. Yet even then, everything I send out simply comes back 100-fold.

I hope you can dare to hope...hope that no matter what you have been through, not matter what has happened to you, no matter the ways you have been hurt, or all the angry or evil things you have done...you are never too tattered or worn to come in as Love's guest and sit at His table to be filled with His Love---the very essence of Him.  "It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's Atonement shines" (Jeffrey R. Holland).  And do you understand why that is impossible? D&C 88: 6 "He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth;" No matter how low we can descend through the experiences in mortality, Christ descended lower.  He had to or the Atonement would have been incomplete. Let me show you some other beautiful verse that fill my heart with hope:

Ephesians 4:9-10 "Now that He ascended, what is it but that He also descended first into the lower parts of the earth?  He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that He might fill all things." Guess what?! He not only descended below all things, but He also ASCENDED above all things too and is willing and waiting to help us crawl up and out from the shadows (and then continue upward!).  He will bring us to Him!

Hebrews 4:15 "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 2:14-15, 18 "Forasmuch that as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, He also Himself likewise took part of the same; that through death He might destroy him that had the power of death, that is the devil; and deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. For in that He himself hath suffered being tempted, He is able to succor them that are tempted." Philippians 2:7-8 "But made Himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: and being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." He not only descended, ascended, but He also experienced all of our infirmities personally (yet even more fully than we ourselves have because He did so without sin).  He is perfectly capable of nurturing us through this process because He literally knows what it is like!

2 Corinthians 8:9 "For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though He was rick, yet for your sakes He became poor, that ye through His poverty might be rich." Is that not Love?!  He agreed to The Plan in the pre-earth life and fulfilled His mortal mission because of Love.  He beckons to us!  He beckons to you.  Whatever the "dust and sin" is that would hold you back---your own sins or the sins of others that have tainted your soul---you are bade welcome.  Try it.  See what it is like to step into that room.  Listen as Love speaks to you personally. What does He say?  How does it feel in His presence? Drop the insecurities and the lies that would paralyze you, knowing that you don't have to take any of those steps alone or in your own strength!  Work in His strength and let Love work in you.  He will completely restructure your heart and mind, but why do it out in the cold when you can feast on His love?  Stepping into that room is the only part He will not (nor CAN He) do for you.  He cannot come in and sit down at that table.  He cannot make you open your mouth and take in the feast.  He will not force feed you.  That is your part.  The rest is His.

"Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come!!! unto me all ye bends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price" (2 Nephi 26:25, emphasis).

So, "Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." (2 Nephi 9: 50-51)

Monday, January 1, 2018

The Miracle...


I am delighted to be able to finally share this with you!  I heard this song and instantly loved it.  I hope you will have a similar experience.  It explains my testimony of the Savior perfectly.  I have learned that "Jesus IS a God of miracles."  Sometimes the miracle is that He blasts through and makes a way when currently there is none.  He can change any circumstance and make anything possible ("nothing is at all impossible to Him").  I am a living witness to this type of miracle. Sometimes, however, that isn't the miracle He offers.  Sometimes the miracle comes through His grace and we are granted the strength and courage to persist---regardless of our unchanging circumstances.  Sometimes He changes US to be able to bear up our burdens with ease.  I know this miracle well, too.

Why is there so often a disconnect for us?  Jesus performed miracles as part of His mortal ministry.  Why is it possible for Him to calm a stormy sea, but not a tumultuous heart?  He healed the blind and the deaf, but why not a mind of disbelief?  Jesus's power to heal did not cease with His death.  It wasn't something that only happened within a narrow window of His ministry years.  We just have to know how to allow the miracle in.

My experience with this song was sweetened as I taught it to my primary kids.  Earlier in 2017, I taught the children ages 3-11 year-old music for my church.  They sang this song with their whole hearts and with power!  I hope it is one that always stays with them.  I didn't know that "I can be forgiven every time that I repent" when I was their age.  They know it though because we have talked about what that means and they have had the Spirit witness that truth to their hearts.

The gentleman running the recording studio was a little rough around the edges and had tattoos up and down his arms.  After I finished singing this song, he was sobbing.  He left the room and cried.  When he finally returned, he placed something in my hands.  Through his tears, he explained that this song had touched him.  He had been raised religious, but no longer believed.  Him and his wife had recently lost a son---a still born.  With his wife's permission, he gave me a token they had been given by someone at the hospital.  I was deeply touched! It had the words "With God, all things are possible," Mark 10:27.  I keep it in my purse and it is a tender reminder whenever I see it.

I know I am still young and hope there are many years, even decades, of life experience yet before me.  Although I am young, I have tasted bitterness.  I have experienced life events that have stretched me beyond what I believed was capable.  I have passed through fiery trials of my faith.  As we allow our hope in Christ to grow into a fire of faith, we can trust God and Jesus Christ more.  Then as they ask us to do the things that are necessary for our growth, to turn our hearts more fully to Them, and to deepen our understanding of reality---not merely our perception of it----we can step into the darkness and follow Them in faith.  Truly, the most difficult, uncomfortable, and painful experiences have been "the miracles that rescue[d] me."  Again, sometimes those miracles have been opportunities for my faith to be exercised unto miracles where He has changed the impossible, but sometimes those miracles have worked in ME instead.

May you turn to the Prince of Peace and allow for the miracles to happen in your life.  He is there and wants to "always be with [us]."  Allow Him to be.  Let the miracles in.  Take Him with you into the details of your circumstances.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Come Join Us!!!



I am gifting a yoga class for Christmas (FREE)! Come put down your wrapping paper and spend a few minutes tuning into yourself and your body. Truly, when we take care of ourselves it's one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves and our families. Class will be two weeks from today: Saturday, December 23rd, 8-9 pm. Come at 745 if you want me to rub your feet with essential oils. There are still a few spaces available in-person (northern Utah) with plenty of room to join the class live online through zoom. Message me to reserve your space! We will be doing my personal daily practice. Physically, it focuses on the ABD's. Emotionally and spiritually it focuses on anger release and will power. I hope to see you soon! Sat Nam! 

UPDATE: I only have space left online for this class.  Leave a comment, contact me through social media, or shoot me an e-mail at willis.katy@gmail.com to reserve your space and get the details of how to join.

Friday, December 8, 2017

More of my story

I just made a submission tonight for the Mormon Channel's next season of "Hope Works."  Mark and I want to share my submission here, too, knowing that it will reach the right eyes and hurting hearts.  See below for a video clip of my actual story (it's long!).  First is my submission e-mail.
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Hi!

I am thrilled to share my story about overcoming the effects of betrayal trauma from my husband's infidelity.  It is a topic that is encapsulated in shame for many individuals, yet I believe pornography is one of the plagues that was foreseen for the last days.

It was only in 2006 that the first study was released connecting what spouses go through from infidelity with major trauma (see Barbara Steffens & Marsha Means, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse).  Just this year another study was released that honed in on the findings from that original study.  Kevin Skinner concluded that almost 70% of individuals who go through the sexual betrayal of a partner experience most of the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD (see Skinner, Treating Trauma from Betrayal Trauma, 7).  5 requirements must be met in order for a qualified professional to diagnose an individual with PTSD.  Skinner found that in most cases only 1 requirement was missing; most individuals had the remaining 4.  If 1 was missing, it was typically the requirement of exposure to a life-threatening event. Even then, many women still qualify for a PTSD diagnosis because of exposure to Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) or physical violence.  If an individual has some or most of the requirements, yet lacks 1 or more, they are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress.

This is a land-mark finding in understanding the significance of what individuals, often women, go through as the result of the betrayal.  Skinner also discovered that nearly 30% of individuals will struggle with the PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress symptoms for longer than 2 years, but less than 5 years, with an additional almost 25% having continued symptoms longer than 5 years (see Skinner, Treating Trauma From Betrayal Trauma, 29).  Again, this is significant in showing the extent that many women are struggling.

I am in the middle of reading a book called Sudden Trauma, by Ross Woolley. Although it wasn't written in a betrayal trauma context, he discusses how healthcare professionals can be trained to interact with patients during crisis situations to prevent major trauma.  The patient needs to interact with someone who knows what is going on and can explain it.  The patient also needs to be taught what to expect and what may be normal for their situation.  Although sex addiction is vile and ugly, we cannot turn a blind eye!  Pornography and sex addiction's significance are becoming more recognized, yet Satan is also slipping the wives drops of poison, too!  Betrayal trauma has only come to light in the past decade.  The voices explaining betrayal trauma and how to heal from it are tiny, but growing.  Any even smaller voice at this point is betrayal trauma brought into a gospel context, specifically, explaining how Christ can help. I will wear out my life in bringing the hope of Christ to those battling betrayal trauma!!!

Here are other important statistics from Kevin Skinner:

~77% of individuals report turning to distracting behaviors such as over-eating, over-sleeping, social media, excess internet use, or alcohol, at least half of the time (Skinner, Treating Trauma for Betrayal Trauma, 31).
~Neill F. Marriott offered something that goes hand-in-hand with this statistic. She said, "Our challenges can pull us off [the] course of happiness.  We can lose our trusting connection to God if trials drive us to distraction instead of sending us to our knees" (Conference talk HERE, emphasis added). If women don't understand how to turn to Christ through this challenge, they will turn to other coping mechanisms in order to stop obsessing over their husbands' infidelity.

~78% of women believe, at least half the time, it is their fault that their husband is acting out at. 1 in 3 believe it's their fault all of the time (Skinner, Treating Trauma from Betrayal Trauma, 34).  I cannot count the mutations of, "You aren't good enough," that were planted into my own mind and heart because of my husband's infidelity.  Satan and his minions wait for moments of trauma like this where we are desperately searching for answers in order to make sense of the situation.  It is easier for them to feed us lies at these times because we are more likely to allow the lies entrance and quickly adopt them as the "truth" in our vulnerable state.

~69% believe they don't belong in social settings any more at least half of the time (Skinner, Treating Trauma from Betrayal Trauma, 35).  Think what a high percentage of our Relief Society sisters this would include!  This addiction can be isolating.  As we look at those around us, and especially through social media, we think we are the only ones with our life in shambles.  Because of the shamefulness of pornography and sex addiction, Satan easily wins here too.  We isolate and withdraw from potential connection out of fear (Again, "This addiction is my fault," can have a strong hold on us).

~87% of women are angry at their husbands at least half the time with 32% feeling angry at them all the time (Skinner, Treating Trauma from Betrayal Trauma, 37).  Again, think how many of our Relief Society sisters this would be!  How can women feel peace when they are constantly experiencing so much anger?

I know I am speaking boldly and directly, but with all my heart, I plead with you to consider featuring my story or someone else's like mine!!!  If we are to stop such a high incidence of the trauma developing into major trauma levels of Post Traumatic Stress or PTSD, an important step is for women to hear from other women that they aren't alone, what they can expect or what may be normal, and what to do in order to heal.  My husband and I have gone public with our story for opportunities like this!  People need to know that there is hope...and that hope rests solely in Christ!

All my love,
Katy


Sunday, December 3, 2017

Reach the Sisters in Your Stake...


When I opened up my program for Sacrament meeting today, look at what was in there!


This wasn't me, but another courageous and beautiful woman in my stake. This insert was included in every ward bulletin in our stake today. This is exactly what I have been talking about lately---these kinds of things that each one of us can do to reach others within our circle of influence. Each woman is needed! Each one of us can make the way smoother and less lonely for other women battling betrayal trauma from the pornography or sex addiction of their husbands. Note that she remained anonymous, so it was completely safe for her.

Can you grasp the impact of this inspired idea alone?! And what if each one of us did something like this. Think big! Ask God! Parter with Christ to serve WITH Him, not just for Him...with His strength, His attributes, and His love. God uses the willing. Tell Him about your willing heart and then watch the miracles unfold. Thanks again, dear sister, for being willing and vulnerable and for passing it on. <3
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